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Why do people even stay awake when they're going through this?
Why do they torture themselves, thinking something will happen when they have little need to cause an action themselves?

I broke up with you this time.
That's how we both know its really over.

Yet I find myself getting angry you aren't trying to get back with me.
Why? I should be relieved. I should be happy.
I should be thankful I got out of this hell hole when I did.

What you and I shared for the last fourteen months wasn't love, and how could it have even been that?
We were horrible to each other, even in a moment of kindness we couldn't let each other go at that.
We had to hang around until it got ugly again.

You said you'd never want to be with me if you thought I got with another guy physically.

We'll never be together then.
I've already had sex with someone new.

I didn't really enjoy it, I don't think I will unless or until I fall in love with this guy.
But I don't love him, honestly I hardly care about him.

The good thing is, he doesn't care about me either so neither of us are really getting hurt here.

He occasionally buys me dinner, but its usually just a straight to his place, fool around and talk for a little, have sex, his friend calls, we part ways kind of thing.

Its nice, not having to meet his family or his friends, get to know them, see if I can fit in with the crew, hope they like me, feel self conscious.

They all know my name, even his coworkers,
But I think its not really a big deal.
Its better to know a name than say, "That one girl I sleep with occasionally."
"That one girl I ******** casually."
The girl who lets me ******** her in two boring positions because she's not gonna give it all away."


The other guy I'm going on a date with,
I don't even know if its really a date.
Or if he's hanging out with me because I moved back home.
He says he has tons of love prospects, but I feel like that's some bullshit thing guys say to make it sound like they're not completely alone.

But then again he may be right, who knows, he's not like most guys.
Only time will tell if he'll let me back in.
At least we're seeing the movie I want to see.