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Is all I have really even as I think about it these few days with all these restless nights I keep opening my options to do day after day but in the end I feel less and less normal seeing more and more people talking to me about their problems. I really don't care but in the end I feel like I need a sob story to slap me and tell me my life isn't as bad but lately I starting to believe if I keep this up I might end up finding something I lost or maybe I'm just looking for my insanity again.
Don't get me wrong but I'm finding this as a joke more and more offend then ever. I hate the fact I find things as a joke but I would do anything to see that I'm wrong even their a high chance I'm right but I know I'm wrong with so many things I done and did that prove it but I just somehow ended up right even with that picture me and few others were talking about few weeks ago.
I never been in his ex room but I had a feeling she had a picture of her and her girlfriend but when they were making out I had a feeling their a picture in their and made fun of it. thinking about it now I was hoping to be wrong but the coffee was crap and kind of gross.
Oh did I told you I got invited for lunch later it's funny but I haven't been eating right lately even the thoughts of hanging out with old friends but not with other friends I knew in high school but thinking about it now I hate the fact I was trying to hard to be notice as I really am invisible.
You know it wasn't hard but hanging out with friends that has nothing in-common is hard really hard but thinking about it now just makes me wish I didn't try at all. I cried with this pain I was dealing with again but I was running with a fever while at it I hate the fact I get sick easily now but I guess I'll deal. Oh is it bad to have a dream that somebody is raping you? It's nothing bad or anything just had this odd dream is all but thinking about it everytime just creep me out thinking about dreams it keep getting weirder and weirder everyday.

I just notice I haven't been reading lately. It's getting colder at nights but I'm getting use too it but it's hard but I'm really mindless right now but its cold that I find it funny.
I don't feel like getting started with anything right now but I just feel tired even I just woke up again. I just can't believe so many things can happen in these few weeks really but still these few days were odd but I hate that for so many reason.
Right now I really do have so much to talk about but I don't really know how to place them you know like I really have no way of thinking how to write it think it or what even that I'm thinking I want to cut something but I just feel mad for some reason even that user again called me a robot I just find it funny yet sad their attacking me again. things like this was kind of the reason I find people stupid and funny to deal with even with that user that kind of didn't read nor knows what is what. still again I'm trying too hard but I just find it funny when he/she said the phrase "you called yourself vocaloid fan." when really I'm not I just like the program even I'm thinking of deleting the program off my computer but I don't want too it's like 1200$ down the drain if I did-- even it was free but still wroth that much but I'm not talking about utau that thing is always free but I find it more funny when quotes I got them or find them in vocaloid wiki.
really does tell you how stupid people can be now these days. Oh yeah did I told you about the time this user got butthurt about the drawing they did and called the ones I have crap. Its really funny but I kind of don't feel like dealing with them again even they have no idea what their talking about neither do i really but thats how I roll to be honest.
I really do run my mouth without thinking and not caring what well happen I just say what comes in mind even it get me in trouble but it helps.
I really just want to have fun when you think about it but I guess I'm just that kind of person who really want to see what happens but thinking about it now I hate people who takes me seriously and would do anything to keep me down even I keep myself down with truth that is pretty obviously crappy.

Before I shut up even if you are still reading this I can't believe you are!?! I'll tell you where I gone all week even I know some people don't care but it seem like more then few user were wondering where did I mysteriously disappear too even I don't think it matter anyway but I just wanted to get off line for awhile even that I know no one would notice at all even if they did they wouldn't care but I guess this time I was wrong-- thank god!!
I took a vacations and try to live my life differently even I was staying with friend talking about crap I really don't care but I just wanted to feel human again but then later I just feel gross and angry for so many. then it just get odd but I really hate how things turn out like in the end I just wanted to break something but it was fine I guess. . . Then I started to feel like I'm being spy for awhile maybe its me but even back when I with to that anime convention I feel that way but I feel like I ran into some users just the funny thing about it that if I did had a run in with some users in sites like this and others I don't feel like naming I think it would be funny to me but feels like a movie for some reason when I think about it but mostly that and the whole news with problems is what I did all week even that I had this empty hole inside me that I'm missing.
I think thats about it but I don't think you'll understand any of it-- again if you do then damn!! You really like reading this crap thats called my life
~ayame

ps

I have to stop feeling jealous with some of you users