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I been telling myself that when I was laying on my bed. A new chapter that I should write again and think about the things that happen in the year but lately I didn't think it matter at all. It's nothing bad at all just the though of me writing what horror gonna happen in this new chapter of ours would turn into a mess. I don't seem to care anymore even that I seem to feel like I been falling. Lately I feel nothing change.
I ask myself a lot of question today but the reason I did that was because I don't want to ask a stupid question to a person that would upset me. I make no sense as you guess but I feel like it's best I don't speak about my problems let alone hear about others cause my problems aren't as bad as other but when I hear about others I kind of want to get leave.
I'm lucky with my life as it is but I feel threaten most of the time because of it. Please don't think about it but I kind of want to cry of joy today for no reason I just do. Maybe last year is just a mess that I do not want to think about it. I hate it because of the harsh jokes but I feel like puking because I came back from a party.
All these fireworks and gunfire just scares me but I wonder for a person that been thought hell and back hearing all this sounds does it bring them back to that time ? I been thinking that lately when I hear all that blasts when I was telling a story about an evil cat I heard from a friend. I'm not good with stories but I couldn't careless but do you think its bad to tell kids these kind of stories ? I know elders tell bed time stories about monsters and hero back in the time but-- I don't know. I just feel like I'm breaking the fourthwall most of the time.
These last few days were great even some people might of found good or bad today but what I found is just silences. Just me, the bed and Hatsune Miku plushie looking up at the wall hearing bands I have on my playlist just enjoying ourselves as everyone is having fun. I feel sorry for the most part lately I don't care enough even I been drawing but my head hurts for it with all these brain storms but hearing someone voice telling me I should be a cartoonist just warm me up because I want to do something like that one day but I don't think it would work out even if I do something stupid like an story board it would be fine. I did do few comic for funs but I don't even know where this is going now. This whole talk about the past and maybe my future is just great. Could I ask you a question but it bugs me to a point really. I mean seriously why would you bother to read this when I am just a stranger to you ? Funny but in away I think the phrase lend an ear comes in mind but that what kind of bugs me. Like how many ears were lend read this ? I think I should do something that isn't odd but I like this bed right about now.
Today it's going to be a good day and this year is going to be great. I'm not sure why but I kind of want to join group of people for tea on webcam. It's funny because I wouldn't do it ever. I have this fear against others kind of the reason I have a hard time fitting in with groups of people.
I hate fitting in with others even I know I don't belong but thinking about you guys I kind of do but I dont think I should. Oh crap! I lost topic!?!
Hey reader! Do you mind explain a simple question to me as I kind of just want to speak mindlessly but What is your new year thingy ? If you're asking whats mine well I think I might join a gym. I kind of want to improve character but I'm scared if I join for the wrong reasons then next thing I know it I'll be those kind of people that want to work out for the wrong reasons. Wait! hear me out okay. Like how many people you know that want to I don't know say a relationship. They want one but they don't take it seriously and they just use the person yet person want one does that mean there doing it for the wrong reasons ? Marriage is another one I think ??? You know I use bad examples so spare me!. !
I guess drinking would be it but I don't really care now but my belly hurts for eating too much.

I might go back laying on my bed and think for while but I kind of want to act if someone is sitting on my desk staring at me with gentle smile while my media player keep playing the same song with a warm feeling. I'm an idiot I know but I'm your idiot really.
~Ayame