Came over it someone I haven't seem in very long time. I honestly don't know how to put it even it was short moment I was happy for some reason. I didn't really wanted to think about it even if it was the past or preset that I haven't put too much thought on it. Still I don't think I should be happy as I don't think I deserve it. It's troublesome but lately I been cold to few people I knew and I'm starting to hate but I feel out of place because of it.
Thinking about it scares me really but slowly I just ignore it like everyone else try to ignore their problems. So far dieting is hard work even I wanted to be healthy for that new year goal thing but so far I don't feel much has change. Sorry but thinking about it kind of upset me cause I miss eating junk food. I haven't put too much thought on it again but it really does annoy me even I saw this movie sweet home the other week but I kind of got scared even I been playing the NES but it pretty hard and character I named after myself died cause I didn't know how to help. It's funny but that game inspired one of my favorite game but for an rpg it pretty hard.
You know I haven't been sleeping well even I try but I end up getting upset for waking up early. Time has change has it. You know I been thinking about my past few times and wish things didn't turn out like that even some of it I really don't want to talk nor let anyone know about it. It's kind of things I wish it didn't happen but it happen anyway. Not saying I had a hard childhood or anything it just these events I hate thinking about even I was reading and reading but I don't seem to understand why people are strong to just forget it? Maybe I am that weak then again I been called weakling way too many time. I do act hard sometimes but it does bother me with people that try to push me.
Sorry again but I ain't telling you much lately even I hate answering questions. I'm not sure if I should go to an anime convention this year it not like matters or anything just kind of want to have little more fun again. I am tired of going to concerts cause of people I met up even I feel alone nor a reject when I'm in the background like the other day I was invited to go to another one. It was some big band but I don't like crap metal cause it sounds almost the same like every other band. I'm sorry but it pretty much annoys me and at the time all I wanted to do is keep on playing this touhou fighters I downloaded. I'm getting pretty good in it when I played as Cirno but I'm no good at close encounters.
I never was good at fighters anyway but playing the great fairy war or sangetsusei as some users know it as pretty much is fun even I keep laughing when I was like "how in the hell am I gonna dodge that now."
I really have no idea what else to talk about without adding more mindless moments in my head but I guess the last subject I would had to place here is how much I envy some people. I try too hard to fit in with few groups but I guess its because I think too low of myself that I end up like that. I know I shouldn't do that but I do try to fit in with people that play cod and I suck at that to MvC3 and I suck badly in that one too. I don't think I should go back to online games like I did long ago cause I like a bother like badly even that people kind of want me to play with them but I'm not much of a team player and I don't understand half of the things others want me to do its pretty much a pain.
I'm sorry again but thinking about it. It's not I that put myself down but others that makes me feel like that. I should really stop saying sorry too even I do say it more then once a lot but I think its a habit but I don't feel like it is.
~ayame
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