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i think i am going insane. i am being hurdle toward a brick wall and can not stop. i just want to PANIC halp

with that said....
i went to a local art museam yesterday. it is not a large one but the collection was not bad. the shows on display were a monet to matisse which was a pretty go show to get for a small museam. the pieces we small and from a private collection but they were good. they had degas who has been one of my favorites since childhood. it was heartbreakingly beautiful. his lines we so percice and stronge. the Piece was Dancer Adjusting Her Shoe. charcoal and pastel i believe. his figures were not in proportionate (not a critisism, just saying) even though the firgures were not proportionate they were rendered beautifully. i know his figures were not proportionate because in college i work on one of his bathtub figures. anyway it was fabulous!

while i was there i noticed the crowed. you had your nicely dressed little old ladies. tall men in business cloths. families with there middle school daughters and the snobby local art crowd. i did not enjoy the lecture there was when we went in to the exhibit. i already knew everything and snobbily felt that she was missing some highlight. she ended and i felt better.
only middle school girls. i just do not know if getting these girls intrested in art is best. completely hipicritical i know. they will grow up and major in art history. hopefully there families have money so they can keep going through degrees. or maybe they will just marry ivy league men and stay house wifes who have impeciable houses and can have intelligent conversations with their husbands collegues.
i am just being bitter. however that was how it seemed to me. i definatly was not snobby enough to stay in the art scene. i just could not make it.
it was just intresting that there was clear cut groups and no diversity. what group you could have put me in i do not know. i just began to feel uncomfortable and unplesantly warm.
i felt my college self withering up and die. disappoinment, unfullfilment and potential not reached.

i wander through my days amilessly. no clear direction. no one quite happy with me.

i am being hurddle through space. my breathe is being sucked out. i will hit that wall.
i PANIC