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i am being haunted by my teenage self. i though she had died. i want her dead. i am going to destroy her. that stupid, romantic, shy girl. she needs to get it through her head that romance is dead, the world is harsh and boys are hurtful.

i am so stupid. i was at my favorite store buying myself a birthday present, which of course i should not but hey its my ******** birthday. anyway the door opens and the proprietor say a name i know. i turn around and there standing was the boy who destroyed my heart. i felt terror, then made small talk. come to find that he has been around all along. one of the people i would desperately not want to run into.

i was friends with his sister through out high school. well senior year everything change and well i was dropped by most of my friends. there were boys they were with and other things. when i would call her, her brother would answer so we wound up talking a lot. we started to eat lunch together. he talked me into going to my prom because he said it was important. so he agree to take me. he was sweet and so nice that i though he liked me and i started to like him. he stop talking to me during the summer. his sister told me that he did not like me. my heart shattered and was no more.

today he walks into my favorite store looking nice and put together. he has art work there. he seemed indifferent towards me. he never liked me. seeing him makes it still hurt. he reminded me that no one has ever liked me. no boy has ever loved me or been sincerely interested in me.

why is this all coming back to me? why am i constantly being reminded that i am utterly alone? what have i done? i do not think i can handle this. it is too much. seeing him was too much. i liked him, a lot. i had stupidly thought he would have been my boy friend.

will all the other boys that have ever hurt me show up? some i did not even like and none as much as him.
i always said i was over him and i wished him well and i just never wanted to seeing him again.

that teenage girl who loved him must die.
i need this to stop.
but first i think i will go cry.
i said february was horrible and cruel. this one is defiantly one of the worst.

i feel like i am going crazy.