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Every person on this planet has a comfort zone and a pattern they follow to stay within in. What I haven't quite figured out yet is how you get yourself out of that bubble and just do whatever the hell it is you want to do. Maybe I haven't figured it out yet because I've always felt like I needed someone with me. Having someone close is what gets me out of my comfort zone. Seriously, if I love you enough, you could probably get me to go halfway across the world with you and I wouldn't question it. But why wouldn't I just go alone? Why can't I just do something without worrying about someone else or if it'll mean anything if its just me? I'm still trying to put it together, but I should definitely start with just doing something by myself. Hopefully nothing crazy happens lol my life is honestly a non stop ride of terror, when will it end!? Or maybe that's it... Things don't seem so bad when someone is there with me, but its not fair to bring anyone down with me. I just have to grow a pair and swallow whatever pride I have left, and just go do it, whatever it is lol. Perhaps I'm too much of a free spirit, but when I think of going out of my comfort zone, I think of big things. Like traveling around the world, just getting up and going out into the city partying with strangers, maybe even bungee jumping. Still, I hesitate all the time. I'm probably just afraid of everything going wrong. I mean, its really all I know. There's no hope or faith left in me for anything so the easiest thing to do is just give up, right? Maybe, I really don't know. I just know that I want something more than just a dull life with no love and no leeway. If I had to leave the city to find something better, I would gladly do that. I'm not afraid of change, its really my best friend lol but I am afraid of rebuilding everything just to lose it all over again. I don't know how to just walk away from something and move on to forget about it forever. Even though I forget a lot, I never truly forget, it always comes back to me somehow for some reason. But remembering the things that used to make me happy definitely doesn't give me the same feelings, so maybe its best to just get a lobotomy and change my name and just be someone else. Yeah... I think I would like that.


Sincerely,
Kalasia