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Even though a lot has happened, I somehow managed to forget a lot of the big things that effected me over the years. I remember in school, I used to care so much about everything. And at the same time, caring so much about everything I did and everyone I knew only made things worse for me. And when I try to think about what it was that made me feel like I had to work so hard, I can't even remember. Why did I want to have good grades and be a scholar and try to excel so much? I have no idea. That diploma got me nothing, and I wasted so much time being stressed and sad and now I can't even say why. I couldn't even remember what I liked about school or who I liked or what I thought about to survive a day in that hell. I don't know, but I'm so glad its over.

Its been years since I've graduated, but everyday, I am so glad that I don't have to get up and go back to that place. Its kind of funny too, because people love keeping all their awards and certificates. I literally could not wait to throw that s**t away. Glad I never spent money on a yearbook or any of the stupid activities. Glad I NEVER have to see any of those people ever again if I don't want to! I'm glad that I'm free to live my life as I please. I think maybe that's what it was before. I felt trapped, like I didn't have a choice but to have shitty peers and a shitty family, and a shitty mindset to wash it all down. They don't tell you when you're young that you can do whatever you want, but that's the secret, the world is ours.

Depression is kind of like a broken fog machine. It could cloud up the room (your mind) and everyone's first thought is to just unplug the broken fog machine, but when you're in the room filled with fog, just unplugging or fixing the machine isn't so simple. Its dark, getting hard to breathe. And its almost like the closer you get to that plug, the foggier it gets. When in reality, you need a lot of tools to get the fog machine to work properly. A lot of the time, people don't even realize they're depressed, especially when you're young and you're not sure how to describe the feeling. I can hope that people who need help in the future are treated better.

Sincerely,
Kalasia