Well, I think we can all agree that 2020 has been a complete dumpster fire lol but hey, it's nearing its end. Lately, I've just been feeling very grateful. And if you've been reading these for awhile, I'm sure you've caught on that I'm not the happiest apple on the tree. For some reason though, all I feel lately is just honest gratefulness. I'm overjoyed that I'm no longer counting pennies and spending almost every 24hrs by myself. If I need something, its right here and I'm not alone. I understand that people have a hard time relating to someone like me. You've never had to wonder what its like to be better, or figure out what it is that's "seemingly" stopping you from succeeding. And people have come to some kind of conclusion that I am only seeing me and my issues, but no. I'm aware that it isnt just me, thats exactly why I talk about it. Because I know there's someone out there that can say "Yeah, I totally understand and would like to discuss steps/solutions we could both take." But you know, people just get annoyed and yell at you for being sad, as if that would make it better. And I want people to know that I'm not going to be that person to you.
I'm also grateful for my fiancé. The idea of marriage has definitely lost its appeal and there are tons of people who feel marriage is unnecessary now. Honestly, marriage is not for everyone. The same people who can't stay organized or keep their house clean are the same kind of people that shouldn't marry. Because relationships are work, cleaning, healing, detailing. And most people are far too selfish to think about anyone or anything that doesn't have much to do with themselves. Furthermore, if you love someone, like really love them, you will suddenly feel that your needs are a bit more insignificant than you thought and you yourself will change. It won't feel forced or forged, it will feel genuine and you won't want anything in return.
Lastly, I'm extremely grateful for opportunity. The average American will usually keep to their routine; work, dinner, daily activity, repeat. I do not do well with repetition. It actually drives me crazy, and I had been dying for something else. So I finally decided to leave the county, which is something I never thought could happen for numerous reasons. But here I am, preparing to leave and its so exciting, I almost feel like a new person lol. It is certainly a lengthy process, so I honestly can say that I am fully aware of why people immigrate illegally. I would probably end up doing it too if I wasn't going overseas. Fortunately for me, I am not in some dire situation where I need to leave immediately and we have the funds to wait it out, which isnt the case for everyone. That's just a little note for people who like to point fingers lol but annnyyyway, I hope everyone is learning to appreciate what they have a little more, I certainly am. People gotta start seeing the bigger picture.
Signed,
Kalasia
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