Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

My engagement ring is here.
Somewhere, in this house.
I know it, I was there when it was being paid for.

Its somewhere in this house.
Yet all I can think is how few people will be on my side of the wedding.
Is that why I want to wait until after college? because everyone swears you make life long friends there, and I just need more life long friends?

Hes a social butterfly, that goes without saying.
Everywhere he goes, the people fall in love.
Im a ******** roach, people run away screaming.

It takes a certain kind of person to truly love me.
I used to have so many roachy friends, but they all seemed to have been hit by a nuclear bomb.

Or theyve scampered to other areas of darkness, the light that shown in our kitchen was far too strong.

How does one go from having such a rich childhood to seemingly having nothing to show for it?
Sure, ive got college to look forward to.
But my mom is already fearful that I will fade into the background
That I wont have my own friends
That Ill use my social butterfly as a way to form relationships.

But I wont.
Most of his friends dont seem like the people I would find myself inviting over for a dinner prepared with care.
And he doesnt even have a sense of what most of my friends are like, because what friends do i have?

When I picture our wedding,
I honestly see more of his friends pooling over to my side.
I see very few people there with tears in their eyes because Ive done something so beautiful, and more people with tears in their eyes because my butterfly has just done another gem of life.

I even see most of my kin rejecting their invites, because its just Kaitlin, isnt she three? why on earth is she bugging us with such a thing?

Sometimes I think it best to just run away, elope maybe.
But thats not an option either of our mothers would approve.

So is it possible to make a roach a butterfly? a silly question, I suppose
but I really am just a human, and people can change if they really try.

The only problem is, I dont really think I want to try.
So bent on the past friendships that have slipped away, I really dont know what to say.

There are only two other bugs that come to mind, when its time to decide whos most important to invite.

One is a roach.
One is a ladybug.

At times I wish there was a mocking bird to eat up all my worries, but I have a feeling they dont like the taste of roaches, ladybugs, nor butterflies.