lately i wonder if i'm ever going to be enough for you
i know that its just a simple title, but there's a lot that just comes with that title
i guess by you not wanting it i feel like you don't really want me. plain and simple.
i don't really get your reasoning, but i'm afraid of fighting with you because you could just walk out of my life at any moment. i don't really have a ton of good going on anymore. everything around me is changing and i'm just not ready for it.
the last thing i need to lose is you, really i just want you to be around forever.
but i want you to be my boyfriend, not my "boyfriend"
and i want you to want pictures of us together just being silly or happy together.
and i want you to just wanna hold me for a little while whenever i'm there
and i want you to text me good morning and tell me i'm gorgeous or something.
but i don't really think you have it in you to do all that anymore.
i know you got crushed pretty bad the last time you let someone in,
but now you're just crushing me and its killing me.
i love you so much,
and i don't even care about the last person i said that to and meant it with
that doesn't stop me from loving you the way i do.
you're not the only one who's been hurt here, but it always seems like you're the only one afraid of seeing what could really come from this.
i know it really doesn't matter what i say though. i know i'm just gonna sit here waiting forever and you're never going to see what you have fully.
i don't think anyone could open your eyes for you to what i could and have been trying to give you. i think you're the only one that can do that, but even then... will you? probably not.
but i still wanna stick around knowing all this, because i'm still hoping that you will open your eyes soon and you'll realize that i've been here for nearly two years just because you caused a spark within me that hasn't fizzled out, no matter how many times i dumped water all over it.
maybe i just want too much, i'm not gonna say that's not possible. but when i see all these girls have all of this with their boyfriends, i can't help but feel a little envious. everything i want with you, they always seem to have.
but we can't even hold a decent conversation unless i'm across from you at the kitchen table. and everything we do leads to sex and i'm not really sure how any of this focuses on the relationship... but titles ruin it all? i'm just so confused about this whole ordeal.
i have so many things i want to ask you, but like i said... there's that possibility of you walking away. so i'd rather sit here and stay silent and pray that you'll see what you have right here then speak up and see you run away cause this little voice is suddenly so loud.
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Missa Defunctorum
praise the lost souls, it'll set yours free
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