Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

The waves are crashing around me.
And I'm drowning, looking for someone to hold onto.

But nothing is there.
And all is desolate.
And I'm wondering why the tide has made you and I drift our separate ways.

But I'm still here putting up a fight, no matter how far from shore I'm taken,
No matter how many nights and days I spend swimming towards it only to be thrown another years worth back.

I feel myself literally letting go of everyone around here.
But it's too early, right?
I was never good with goodbye,
And there's still no guarantee.

Am I becoming to cocky?
Too confident?
Am I letting my dreams run my life before I can make them reality?
I don't really know how to approach what I'm doing,

But almost everyone has lost their interest and meaning.
I'm longing for the chance to start new.
To be in a new place and feel the need to figure out what I'm doing.

Won't someone fight the battle,
Won't someone prove they need me as much as I feel the need to be needed?

Even my best friend doesn't need me as much as I hoped.
Even the guy I'm practically in love with doesn't need me as much as I want.
Is it time to let go and watch them come to me,
Or is it time to fight for what's mine?
And fight the tide until I come ashore?

I can't lay it all out on the line.
No way in hell.
Because if I did, then that's like losing isn't it?

And obviously what I want won't be given to me.
And that's what scares me most.
Because everything I'm hoping for... well,
If I don't get it I feel like I'll just end up in a whirlpool.
And I won't have the strength to fight and I'll just let go.

What on earth am I going to do with myself?
How does one cope with feeling this alone?