Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

i think it's pretty normal to want affection
and to need people to show you how much they care.

but i also think it's pretty common to not want to show people how much you care.
for me, it's kinda weird. some people it's so easy to open up with,
others are so blatant about being a monster it's scarier than those that hide it.

people are kind of sick in a way.
i know they're all lying about something or other.

the only thing is,
some people don't lie about really bad things,
and others do.

i do my best to be honest,
seeing it from this perspective.
but honesty is something hard to cling to
and to have within yourself.

it's a constant battle,
even if i pride myself on my honesty
i always feel like i've been through the mud.

really though,
affection shouldn't be such a hard thing to show to anyone.
technically, just holding someone's hand is affection.

and you know,
holding hands is probably one of the best things ever.
as long as you have clean hands,
otherwise maybe affection is just gross.

we're all just playing these wicked ******** games with each other
and that's why it's so hard to wear our hearts on our sleeves.
how i manage to do it most of the time surprises me,
but bri did say i'm just not jaded enough a long, long time ago.

i wonder if some people just don't have the ability to grow jaded and cold over time,
or maybe it's just that they never learn their lessons?
or maybe, just maybe, they learn the weirdest lesson or develop the strangest fears.

like...
i kind of hate geminis.
because both erik and jasmine were geminis
and in a sense both of them broke my heart.

i also really dislike white guys
because they're too much like girls?
strange. strange indeed.

but i also know that you can't just expect anyone to stick around forever these days,
they really gotta prove their loyalty to you.

and i know i shouldn't just give people the benefit of the doubt and trust them wholeheartedly,
but i still manage to do it every time i make a new friend.
though, in retrospect,
how often do i actually make new friends?

yeah i dunno.

people are ******** weird.
honestly, i hate it.

i hate people,
but i need people.
"can't live with em, can't live without em."

story of my ******** life, right?

how many times does one need to be burned with fire before realizing you shouldn't touch it and all that jazz?

i don't ******** know.