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ahhhh. soo so ready for winter break.
(:

danielle's not coming up here anymore,
but that's life.
and though i do miss her, i dunno, better things are headed my way.
she left us. not the other way around,
so she can't get but so mad when she sees we've all gladly moved on....

i hope i don't get mad when nobody cares that i'm gone,
but i don't think i'll care very much when i live in san fran. i belong there.
it's so obviously, even if it's expensive, ridiculous, "stupid" - it's what feels right.

luis said he's gonna come up here on the 22nd (:
that'll be fun, it's been a while since he promised a visit.
jordan asked me "what'll happen if he doesn't show like last time"
and i was like 'i dunno probably go chill with dj.'

i think everyone is feeling really apprehensive about me and dj being alone now.:/
jordan told plenty of people about what happened friday,
but i mean.... it's not like anything below the neck happened, was really touched,
hands wandered over my curves, but nothing was grabbed, grasped, rubbed?
i don't get what the big deal is.

i asked jordan if he thinks dj actually likes me,
and he was just like 'idk he's like 24 kaitlin.'
which is true.
i don't even really talk to dj unless i go see him face to face.
but i don't have any real need to talk to him.
sometimes i don't even know why i bother to visit him.

oh and jasmine.
SERIOUSLY?
i'm gonna need her to STOP telling people we're going out.|:
i don't want to date her, i don't even know why i hang out with her again.
sometimes, things are really weird. like i don't even know why i get jealous when she talks to other people?

she's changed a tad though,
she's a lot more open about her need for affection. but i already know i can't give her that affection,
because i've also changed, and i don't need any at all.

i guess being blown off so many times by people i'm dating has taught me not to expect tlc from anyone. ah, that's life though.

i guess i'm a lot more jaded than i let on?

i wonder if you'll even recognize me when you see me in 12 days, Bri.
i feel like a completely different person from july.