Mood: Fearful.
Song: Werewolf - Cocorosie.
Broken sundown fatherless showdown
Gun hip swollen lip bottle sip yeah I suck d**k
Lose grip on gravity falls sky blinding crumbling walls
River sweep away my memories of
Children’s things a young mother’s love
Mmm.
I'm afraid of falling in love again, I think,
I know. I know. I know.
What's wrong with me?
I just can't handle what happened last time,
I still can't figure out why it happened or what his true intentions were.
I still question his heart, his mind, his words.
He scares me more than I want to lead on,
I'm afraid of whatever it is I gave him,
Even if it's been stolen back, I don't really know if it has.
I don't really know anything, it seems.
I wanna lose my mind,
Go insane, feel the rain on my skin,
the wind in my hair.
I want to lay naked in the snow,
Solitude. Not even the wind singing in my ear,
I want to let go.
Let go of every single thought that dances in my head,
And yet, you know,
I can't even recall what I think about most of the time,
and I wonder why I can't recall mulling over you for hours at a time,
Why I can't recall mulling over that situation,
Why I always come back after finding a solution.
Always figuring, always questioning,
Why? Why do I waste so much time on these things?
It's as if I feel life is a mathematical equation;
As if,
You + Me = Love /Rumors - Trust = Failed love.
I don't get it.
Then I think,
Him + Me = potential + past = fear x thoughts = anxiety.
You make me so ******** anxious it's ridiculous.
I wanna hate you for everything,
For tearing me apart,
For still being on my mind,
For being in my heart,
For telling me you liked me, you loved me, you needed and even wanted me.
I fuuuucking hate you for that, to the point it's so ridiculous.
I hate you for making me retrogress.
I wanted to improve, make everyone proud,
I wanted to make you proud.
Where did I go wrong?
We took one wrong turn,
And there was no legal U Turn.
So we continued,
And it got worse,
We were fooled, with signs of improvement,
False improvement, provided by you,
Provided by me.
By us.
We lied,
We denied,
We tried, we cried,
I know it.
and I knew, at least at one point, I was your world.
And you were mine, though perhaps our worlds are meant to fall apart.
I check up on you,
And it annoys me.
And you're not even a hoe.
I guess that's me, and I hate myself for being it, you know.
I'm gonna improve, keep it in my pants.
I remember, OOOH god, I remember,
"I just want to be with you so other guys can't use you and hurt you."
Holy s**t, dearly dear, my ex oh exie-rexie,
Ahah.
You were so sweet, but those words confused me,
and now I see what you meant by those words.
Men are beasts,
Women are cruel,
Humanity is disgusting.
What's happened to us?
To you? To me? To everything around us?
Nothing is what it was at the prime,
Nothing is what it was at rock bottom;
Have I reached rock bottom? Or was what I thought truly rock bottom?
I'm confused, lost, dazed;
I understand I'm the typical teen,
Reaching, reeling you in, tricking you all into adoring me,
But I only need one's love, one's approval,
and if I have it, why am I so afraid to accept it?
To take this step and watch what happens be beautiful?
Why am I so fearful?
I can't take the insanity of connecting these thoughts.
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Missa Defunctorum
praise the lost souls, it'll set yours free
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