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i consider myself to be a closed book. i do not like to share and try to keep things to myself. having said that sometimes i just need to vent. i need someone to be there. no one is there. so i am going to say it. i am lonely. i want someone to be there, to care, to give me there attention and not say i am crazy.
so i guess this is a few pages.
i was composing this in my head last night when i could not sleep.
i wish i had someone to talk to. i feel so stressed out. i feel like i am going crazy over here.
i am having trouble at work and i am getting overwhelmed and rather burnt out. i am having trouble at home. i am trying to work on my resume and have a career goal. all i want to do is sleep. just fall into an oblivion. for over a year that is my free time napping.
i remember have times of the day where i fell safe and unstressed. as a child in elementary school is was late at night. no one would barge in and bother me. i stayed up reading and felt relaxed. in the summers i could roam outside and catch fireflies and watch the stars.
i have repressed middle school memories.
high school it was after school. the two hours before my mom came home and i did not have to do anything. make myself a cup of tea, read a book, call friends. that was my time. fridays also were my time. i would come home and nap and then just hangout knowing the weekend had started.
i guess it was college when i lost my secret time.
i just want to fall into a void.
it is amusing that i keep things to myself mostly but i make this public. no one reads it so i do not have to worry. i just send it out. i write it and let it go. then kind of home something good comes from it.
i wish i had someone to talk to. i wish i had someone to care. i wish someone loved me.