Bryan...
yeah...
this is an entry having to do with nothing much Bryan how much i'm a ******** up...
I ******** UP OUR RELATIONSHIP!!!
there... everyone happy??
now that i know what it's like without him... i don't want to live another ******** day on this Earth...
the only reason why i've been barely holding on by a thread is because i thought that there maybe, possibly could be a chance that he would take me back...
but now knowing that i can't do a damn thing right...
knowing that i ******** up so damn bad...
I've changed... Yes... I did change...
all for Bryan...
i wanted to be with Bryan...
so i looked back at everything that he got mad about...
i realized what i was doing wrong...
it took me awhile to get it down pact...
but i've changed...
but he doesn't want to give me the chance...
sure he wants to be my friend...
but he doesn't want to date me...
and whenever i try and show him that i care...
he says to stop trying so hard to show that him that i care, because he don't want to date me and that he doesn't want to refuse something...
i'm so damn upset i forgot...
and he's been telling me the same thing OVER AND OVER AND OVER...
damn it shows how upset i am...
i remember all the good times we had together...
hell... i actually sat back today and thought about them all...
sure i cried my eyes out until i got online, sent him afew messages, bought him a Grunny and sent it to him... (mainly because he wanted on and since i love him and i want to try and give him everything i possibly can...i did)
but i haven't heard him or seen him tell me "thank you" hell a simply "ty" would be great...
i'm sorry i'm just upset because now...
Bryan is talking to this other guy...
and Bryan likes Asian guys...
and because this guy looks Asian... i think that Bryan is gonna start liking him and then i'll end up losing it like i'm doing now... and Bryan is gonna end up not being my friend anymore because he's gonna say that i'm immature... he might not use those words...
i'm just so ******** tired... i'm so ******** pissed...
my eyes are hurting so damn bad...
and yes... i'm jealous...
i'm jealous because Bryan is paying another guy attention and doesn't want anything to do with me other than be my friend...
and all i want to do is make him happy...
i want to be able to hold him in my arms... i want to be able to fall asleep next to him like we used to do... i miss all the little things that we used to do... all our inside jokes... i just miss the time i used to spend with him...
and damnit if i'm not crying again...
you know what i hate this s**t...
i guess tonight is gonna be another one of those night where i cuddle with with my pillow and i practically drown in my own water works...
but atleast if i drown i wouldn't have to feel this pain forever...
right??
it's kinda sad when you're so lonely and so upset that you don't really care if you die at the age of 18...
it really is sad... crying
 kris767 · Wed Oct 24, 2007 @ 06:10am · 0 Comments |
