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Sometimes I feel so twisted and messed up. I think the weirdest/morbidity tainted things. Usually about myself. EX:

- Me, electrocuted.

- Me, knife going down the soft white skin on the underside of my arm.

- Me, standing in a pool of warm blood.

- Me, sticking my hand out of the window of a speeding car to touch the brick wall racing past. My skin being rubbed off, my hand being broken. Blood.

- Me, choking, suffocating, something tightening on my neck.

- Me, letting out the air in my lungs and taking a deep breath, replacing the air with water.

- Me, beaten, broken, bloody, alone.

- Me, chained, abused, emotionless.

- Me, hitting a wall repeatedly until my hands are broken and bleeding.

- Me, taking my face off.

- Me, cutting myself to pieces, wanting so desperately to be small and ‘pretty’.

You do not need to worry about me doing anything like any of these. Some were just nightmares from the place between sleep and wakefulness, making me jump awake. I know I’m messed up either way: them being waking thoughts or dreams. I really would never do them. They’re just thoughts of fancy.
I can’t even take too many pills or so much as scratch myself. You know those diabetes things you poke your fingers with? (NO, I don’t have diabetes.) I have to talk myself for half an hour before I can even manage to poke myself.
I DO know I’m a little self destructive at times:

Getting drunk and occasionally REALLY drunk even though I don’t really like to drink and don’t like how it makes me feel.

Occasionally smoking some of a cigarette, even though I know they make me ill.

Eating to much at one sitting until I can barely move.

Not eating for a week or two.

Drinking stuff with lots of caffeine even though I’m a little allergic to it.

~ I don’t do any of these often (besides drink coffee) and not enough to hurt me, really. Like I might do one of those things every two or three months (besides coffee, I love coffee). I’m working on knocking off these silly things. I’m trying to improve myself and work around my emo/depressed/boo-hoo-my-life-sucks moments and get healthier. I know doing and thinking those things are stupid. I know some of my G ‘family’ and friends worry about me, just like I worry about them.
Don’t worry. ^^ I’m fine as I ever was.

I still cry over everything and nothing.

Sometimes I feel so emotionless or unfeeling I scare myself a little…