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this is not being a good week. generally my computer use is done at my job, an outreach computer cafe, (not really a cafe but we feed them). anyway it is in a church basement. well i would come in with a friend early since i have a key and she is a member of the church. well it was voted that it can not happen any more. i can come in an half hour early too boot up the computers and that is it.

so am very mad

plus the stupid high school boys are cruded and loud and fight and threaten each other. and today i am not longer cool. i used to be cool. please....just cause i pick my battles

i feel like i am in trouble. this has definatly not endered me to this church or the pastor i have been working with for years. this program is crumbling anyway and half the people do not know it. i wish i could just afford to have internet at home. it almost does not even matter because these kids need somewhere to go. they play stupid ruinscape and yell at each other. the other half listen too music so loud you can hear it from their head phones. my space and you tube and they always fight for "the good computers". plus the sing out loud which is a huge pet peeve of mine.

is is possible to have like a third life crissis or something. i definatly have been bombarded with what are you going to do with you life since this summer. help! i do not know! i am clueless and feel like a total loser and failer.

i wish i could just enter a void and cease to exsist at least for a while. not died or anything like that, just go some where and not think. not have to hear people. just float in peaceful bliss, not having to think and worry. just not be here. just be part of the particales of space floating floating. i am really tired!

ok so am having a bad day and am cranky. well i get to go home and hide after this. now i am cut off from the internet which made me feel connected.

and i fell like a failure.