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Oh my! I haven't wrote naything in here in a quite a while~!! ******** HELL!!! MY computer is acting sooo ******** up today... stupid internet explorer keeps ******** up and closing out of itself... I was writing a wickedly long journal entry and it just closed out of it and now I have to type stuff all over again which is so not cewl i am megaly depressed WAHHHHHH!!!! *sobs violently* crying oh well... hehee... my mom isn't home right now... I'm so glad that she isn't!!! xDDDD I like being home alone!! But being home alone on a night like this... makes me feel... very... vulnerable... or something... Mom's working a night shift... she wont be back til morning... yaaayz~~<333 I feel really awesome right now!! I don't feel the headache anymore... tho I bet if I get up, I sure as hell will! hehehe... ah, and even though I have my period, it's ok! I'm not in any pain right now! like the previous days... god, all the other days... before today... i felt like I was being torn in that area... or someone was driving a knife up it... and I TRULY felt as if I was bleeding like hell... oh, perhaps I should stop now... little children may be reading this... or maybe not, but it's not something that others would find... "a pleasant read"... unless they're a sadist and enjoy my pain... or something else that might be messed up... *shrugs* you never know.... *shifty eyes* ninja *cracks open some beer* It's a beautiful dark night... so I think I'll drink my depression away!!! EHEH!!! *giggles* *hics!* meehehe... So... I've just been fishing and crap on gaia... trying to make some gold and crap... lurking around on the site in the darkness... yeah, much like some delinquent or criminal out on the streets at night... *pulls out a shiny knife* meheheh... *smiles evilly* *hics!* soo... I'm feeling pretty gewd right now... a little whorish maybe... and overly happy... I'm totally in love with the night...MAN! I had some STRANGE a** dreams last night... i mean, some were pretty cewl and normal... well, this was all kind anime-looking... but others were either grotesque, bloody, violent, or sick as hell... why am I always getting raped?! (well... sometimes it's some other guy by some other guy, thankgod... but last night, it was all me!!) hm... I could so totally kick a** in my dreams too... but freakin everyone was out to get me as well... I fought a variety of monsters, creatures, people... yeah... AND I'M TELLING YOU! I DIDN'T KILL NO EFFIN POPE!! *hics!* haha.. "im 12 years old and my gf is 14 and i think she is pregnant" ... heh.. I find that funny... girl sex slaves wtf... like hell i'd ever be nayone's slave for sexual gratification... *pulls out a chain to choke whoever the hell thinks that they can enslave ME into indecent crap...* ahha... i remember when i was a little girl... I was SO f***ed up... i was a freakin lolita... (lolita -noun- a seductive adolescent girl; sexually appealing) ... god, was i messed up... i used to do terrible things to older guys... guys who were like... over 15 years older than me... I wasn't even old enough to add or subtract numbers with like... two or three digits... *laughs to self* *hics!* eh... *continues to drink some more* I'm soooo totally craving blood... *looks outside the window* hm... there were some little kids out here earlier... they're probably in bed by now... so someone older will do... *takes to the streets... looking all shady... prowling the night for some unexpecting prey...* eheheh... *hics!* I feel soooo happy yet soooo messed up right now... I've been thinking bad things... *grabs head* heart heart heart oh wellz... It's a good thing I'm recording this down... I probably wont remember what I wrote or what I was thinking in the morning... *hics!* hee hee hee... I love Devon... But god... i HATE myself for being so damn inexperienced and not being able to do or say some things... and there's a monkey off in the background doing some WIERD dancing... ehehe! *hics!* x333 i loves it!! Hm... I wonder why i always have dreams that Devon is going out with someone else... If I have the power to predict the future... well, i hope I don't. *drinks some more* hee hee!! i feel so happy and sparkly right now!!! *cuddles with my doggy doll, Menchi* x333 mmm... yeah... lately I've been having a lotta random "Squee!" moments... when I just quickly grasp something and hold it time and smile like an idiot~... *hics!* It usually happens before I got to bed... or something... And I usually end up burying my body and face in my bed and laughing to myself... heh... random happiness... hahaha! i got mad skill~~!! yay! at fishing! with a BASIC rod!!! woot! *dances* *hics!* I feel like singing... really badly...I LOVE Kill Hannah~!! <333 hm... aw~~!! i miss my avi's cute little smile... i shouldn't have changed it to that open mouth smile thing... xD hehe, i do that a lot in real life sometimes... and it's quiet infectious at times, too... like, i got glen to do that... a little "squee" face!! *hics!* I feel like singing some Depeche mode songs now.... "iiiiii feel loved~~~!!" ok.. um... "there are times... when my crimes... will seem almost unforgiveable! I give in... to Sin... cus you have to make this life liveable! and when you think I've had enough from your sea of love, I'll take more than another riverful, yeah and I'll make it all worthwhile... I'll make your heart smile! Strange love... Strange highs and Strange lows... strange love! That's how my love goes, strange love... Will you give it to me! Will you take the pain, I will give to you, Again and Again and will you return it... There'll be days when I'll stray... I may appear to be constantly out of reach... I give in to sin because I like to practice what I preach... I'm not trying to say I'll have it all my way I'm always willing to learn when you've got something to teach... And I'll make it all worthwhile... I'll make your heart smile! Strange love... *repeat* Pain, will you return it... I'll say it again-- pain... Pain... will you return it, I wont say it again!" ok... i give up... and I'm really really overly happy now but i really really gotta go for a really really little while hee hee! *hics* aw mans... i wanted to type some more crap in... this is kinda fun... hehehe... I like looking back at these... gives me something to do.... well, I'm off for now, ya'll~!! CIAO!!! Nighty Night~!! Oyasumi nasai~!! heart heart heart
Ok... now I'm back... it's about 2:42... and I'm bored!!! hehe... really really freakin bored and scared... really scared... i kinda dont like being up this late all alone... by myself... :'0 what if there's a monster or evul person outside... or INSIDE the house?? *shudders* I really don't like being alone... I have a bit of monophobia also... I really want to go to sleep... so that I wont have to think about being alone (or NOT alone *stares into the darkness*)... I keep hearing noises... or maybe it's my imagination? or maybe there's ... rain outside the window next to me? but... im too afraid to lift the blinds... I REALLY feel vulnerable NOW... I don't like this... but... typing it out makes me feel better... Why am I even awake... hm... i wanted to see what it was like, i guess... cus i could... today... all by myself... but... it seems terrible... no one's online, no one's at home... i freakin hope no one else is near me... *glances back quickly* ... well, not like i can tell... the blinds for the windows ARE closed... *shudders* I dont feel so awesome anymore... I lost my high... I want it back, dammit... *sighs* I really don't like this... at 3... right at 3... i am definetely going to bed... if i can move by then... im also afraid to turn off the computer light, though... it'll be completely dark in here... damn, why am I so freakin' scared right now? This is rather stupid... I can't believe myself... just a couple more minutes or so... maybe more... i think i can survive this... *sighs heavilly*... just this day... why this day? I wasn't scared of the dark every other day... i wasn't scared of being alone every other time... why now? I was looking forward to this... 6 more minutes... then I'm off... yeah... Then I'm off... *sighs* I feel sick in the stomach... i wish someone else was online... I really don't like this... I don't... I'm not really tired... if i could, i would stay awake... but i really want to sleep... It'll make me feel safe... heh, if my little brothers found me on the computer, they'd be angry... hehe... *sighs* three minutes... thankgod for Daylight Savings Time... there's no way in hell I'm staying up another hour like this... oh damn... hearing things... cry I don't like this at all... oh ********... one minute... one minute... but then... darkness... no... god... I dont want that either... 3... is there something about 3? 3... complete darkness at 3? *sighs heavilly* ok, im off now. phew... im not doing this again... this is some scary sh**... good night everyone...
 ExplosiveFunGirl · Sun Mar 11, 2007 @ 04:41am · 1 Comments |
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