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D*mn teenagers and their raging hormones. It makes me hate myself, yet love myself... Hahaha, when I'm REALLY happy I just want to vomit or hug myself... and I end up making the ODDEST of squeals and faces... I couldn't help it today. I was just feeling so happy... after reading such perverted manga?!?! gawd! why am I like this?!?! Oh well, i suppose there's no stopping it. *eats some Doritos* I love eating... wait, is Doritos spelt with an "e"? *wonders* And I love reading romance manga. I've found that I'm not interested in things that aren't romantic. And when they start to get more mature in their romance.. I really get interested in it... PASSIONATELY... I feel so odd right now. Happy, yet sad. I want people to be happy. I find I can relate to some people in shoujo manga. Perhaps that's why i prefer reading it more so than gay yaoi or shounen-ai ones... Sure, I love myself some good boy-on-boy heated relationships... but I can't really relate to them. Ha, I remember when I was in fifth grade, I used to hate them. I don't hate them at all now. I probably didn't like fangirls obsessed with yaoi back then... because I couldn't relate to a relationship with two boys. I'm not a gay boy myself.... *laughs* Yes, I'm actually a girl. It's odd being a girl in today's world. Sometimes I look down at myself. Sometimes I wonder "who would like a girl, over a good looking guy?" I end up belittling myself... It's really not healthy of me to do. Anyway, I enjoy reading shoujo manga perhaps... because I too am female... and I understand the feelings a girl may feel or face. Sometimes it makes me love the female protagonists XD. I like likeable females. Well, not sexually. I like them if they have likeable qualities... but not the kind of like most people would immediately think if i said I liked them. Or something. Ok... that kind of confused me! I find myself in love with the whole feeling of love... but I, myself, shouldn't love. I don't want to hurt others... or be hurt. And I don't want to take chances anymore! Because sometimes... mistakes leave me worse off. Heaven forbid I start dating... i want to, yet I probably shouldn't. Who knows what I'm really thinking... and I, myself, don't know what I really feel.
I love you, or so I thought. Damn love. Damn it to hell. But humans do need it... if only I weren't a human... if only I were born as something else... But would I have regretted it? Regretted missing out on the wonderful things that one could do as a human... or regret not having the feelings and being able to fall in love with you? I wonder if it would have been better if I were a pet or domestic household animal... XD haha, they love, right? They receive a different kind of love though... but they can be with the one they love, i suppose. I don't really understand animals. O_O i might be abused though... but would I really hate it? If I were a pet... oh hell, I could go on with a bunch of things... *hugs self* I like hugging myself. Especially when I feel a pain in my chest. This pain is love, right? Love is painful... but the pain can feel pretty sweet. It makes my arms squeeze tighter and tighter around me... and only when I'm this happy... do I realize I'm soft and fragile. I should be careful not to break myself. or let anyone else do so.
OK, CUT THE BULLSH*T, GUI!! DEAR GOD!!! :3 but I suppose I really think this way at times...
 ExplosiveFunGirl · Tue Oct 02, 2007 @ 11:42pm · 0 Comments |
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