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I would promise you that, but I hurt myself every day. Of course, sometimes it's on accident. I realise that other people have the same feelings as me, but mine aren't as bad as theirs. Many people actually commit suicide, but I can't do that...not until these problems of mine get worse then they already are. I'm sorry, but I'm just sick of the pain and the numbness...and the lies...and the heartbreak...and just...I'm sick of everything. There's nobody that loves me enough to cry for that long...nobody that loves me enough to actually care. People are just mean and cruel, and they're all out to get me. It seems that with every friend I make, with every person I meet and know...it seems as if they all want to take a piece of my heart until there's nothing left. This, my friend, is the reason why I have created the walls.

I have created walls to protect my heart from the others, to protect my heart from the people that are just using and abusing me...using my kindness against me until I turn into an old and bitter person, using my gullibility against me....using everything against me until I can't stand it anymore. Soon, I don't know when, but I know that soon I might actually lose one of the last pieces of my already torn up heart, and I might die. I have maybe two things to live for at the moment, and one of them doesn't even care. The first, is Amber, if I died, she's be severely depressed, but only for a short amount of time. The second is Greg. If I were to die tomorrow, he wouldn't care at all, he would simply tear up and possibly cry if I were lucky, but he doesn't care about me at all really. At times, when I think of him though, I begin to cry, he risks his life every day...and he says the only reason he's still alive is luck. If he were to die anytime soon...I...don't know what I'd do. It hurts to know this and live a life of regret when I can't have my love for him returned, but it doesn't matter to me at all. He doesn't care, so I'll pretend that I don't care. I just wish that he could return my emotions.

For this reason, I must say I'm sorry. I don't know how much more of this I can take...I mean, it seems to me at times as if all of humanity is simply out there to harm me...to break me emotionally and cut and bruise me...until I am merely a soul lingering here...until depression eats away at my soul. I must pretend as if I'm happy even though I'm not, because it worries my friends when I show up at school upset...so I can't. I want so badly to cry, but I must be strong so I can't. I will die soon...not physically...but emotionlessly. I will merely be what all humans want me to be, a lingering soul inside of this husk of a body that cares about nothing. I'm sorry, I'll never find my own happiness, every time that I think I'm going to be happy, it doesn't work out, it NEVER works out, something happens and all of it, every little bit of it, suddenly comes crashing down in front of me...and things do merely get worse instead of getting better. I have nothing to live for, so cut my wrists and black my eyes, the more I live the more I want to die.