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Why...why is this always happening to me? Why can't I be happy with just one person? Why do I always ******** things up?

I will say this. Jonathan has greatly improved. He's been more affectionate and loving. But no sooner than that happens, my eye starts to wander. Again. I don't understand. Why can't I just be happy with one person? Why do I always have to take more than I deserve?
Example:

I called my ex, David, to wish him a Happy Birthday yesterday. We ended up talking about how things used to be, and how they are now. For some reason, he told me that for a moment, he had thought about forgiving me and trying to be with me again. And here's what I hate. My heart skipped a beat. As if it was telling me that I should still love him. I admit, I do still care for him. I mean, he was my first real boyfriend. He was the one I gave my virginity to. I'll always care for him. But I don't "love" him. At least I don't think I do. At the same time, I loved and hated the fact that I was eager to talk to him again. Happy because it made me feel like I would finally be able to prove that I've changed and become a slightly better person. Angry because I don't want to have those feelings for him again. And its not that I don't want to, its that I'd rather not have those feelings while I'm with someone else. I'm tired of having my feelings split between so many people.

Jonathan, James, Mina, Soma-kun, Brian, Wesley, and now David again. I hate this. I'm tired of hurting people. I want to change. I want to be able to love someone and not feel like a slut, a liar, a cheater, or anything else like that. My brain says to stop talking to all of them and start over again anew. But my heart says that I wouldn't survive alone, and that I might be losing "the one" if I tried to start over. My heart is just being pulled in so many directions. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose the love and friendship of those who care about me...and I don't want to lose their respect, either. All of them (with the exception of David) are either madly in love with me, or care for me enough to want to date me. Despite what I say about myself and how I feel about myself. And every one of these situations have problems, too. Like with Jonathan. His family hates me. James is engaged. Mina and Soma-kun are both in California. Brian not only lives in Ohio, he's already broken my heart once. Wesley is in Canada, and he has the same problem as I do. He loves more than one person. And David.....well, David pretty much hates me. I'm lucky he still talks to me. And lately, I've been understanding how he feels. Although Jon is improving, he wasn't at one point. Which is what caused problems between us in the first place. It was the same situation with David and I, only reversed. I was the unaffectionate one. But David lives in Hollywood, Florida. That's what made it different. Now, you would think that not getting to see each other that often would cause us to be all over each other when we were together. But that's not how it worked. What happened was that I got so used to not being close all the time, that whenever he wanted to cuddle and constantly be close, I felt smothered and pushed him away. Whereas with Jon, because we're so close to each other, I'm used to constantly being cuddled up to him. But lately we don't spend as much time together, if any. Although I will admit, that's not really his fault. My grandmother is convinced that his family is trying to keep us apart. And as far as I know, they pretty much hate me. And with how family oriented they are....if he were told to choose, I know that I would have to step aside. Whether I like it or not. Jonathan constantly tells me that he loves me and that he doesn't want to lose me, but I hate not knowing whether his mother is being genuinely nice, or just faking it for his sake. David's family, as far as I know, never had a problem with me. Even his older brother, Thomas, was nice to me. I just....I want to be with Jonathan, but I don't want to cause problems for him at home. And at the same time, I miss the security I had with David. I also miss the excitement and danger there was with James. My heart is being pulled in so many directions. But I can't help but wonder. If so many people want to help mend my broken heart, why does it feel like it's being split into even more peices?