Long time no write. Nobody reads this, but I want the simulation of a public forum without any of my real-life friends reading this.
Let me put down some advice.
Just because you meet someone who fulfills pretty much every aspect in a list of qualities in your ideal dream partner, it does NOT mean that this person is the one for you. Don't turn away from the boy, one of your closest friends, whose hand you held on that cold day during Senior Portraits, who you just had a "moment" with. You shouldn't have turned away from the boy in the first place. Actually, you didn't. He turned away from you. Because you're white and he's Indian and he isn't allowed to date at all because all his classes are AP courses and he needs all of them so he can be halfway through college before he even graduates high school, and he may have been fooling himself into feelings in the first place, but you have no idea and you just can't tell, because sometimes these days it feels like he looks at you with an expression slightly different than usual, and you don't know if it's longing or disgust or sorrow or love, and... and... and...
Let's just say that I've never cried this much over a boy before.
I'll probably laugh it off in a few years, once I've gone to college, had some real boyfriends, had some real breakups, practiced physical intimacy more...
No. This is too sad for me to ever laugh off. I'll force myself to get over it eventually, I guess, but I could never laugh.
Graduation is coming up. I'll be in college half an hour away, still in good ol' tiny Connecticut. He'll be in New York. If I ever see him again after this summer, it'll only be once or twice.
I am sad.
Excuse me while I cry again.
This is Horse lady, with blurred vision and trying not to short-circuit my laptop, signing out.
Katie Sea Community Member 
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