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Heartbreak
You know, sometimes I just think I'm too mature for my own good. Don't worry, I'm fine for the most part about Josh. I just don't understand why all my relationships have to fail. I mean, I'm nice, I'm sweet, I'm "pretty", I'm fun (I think), so what's the deal? I have heard a million times that it isn't my fault my heart keeps getting broken, but I'm stumped. If I love the guy as much as I loved Josh, for instance, then how can it not be my fault that he doesn't love me? I must not have done something right. I must not have been nice enough. Or sweet enough. Or pretty enough. Something just has to be wrong with me. But then again, it couldn't be me at all. Because I try so hard to make the guy I'm with happy. I sacrifice everything, including my happiness, to make them happy. I mean, for God's sakes, I canceled my SAT so I could go to an anime convention with Josh! And that was the worst experience of my life. You know, I really don't think I should even be worrying about this. I'm now even planning on dating anymore guys for a while. I should be focusing on how happy I am. I may be getting a job. It's almost the summer. I'm almost a senior. I'm going to learn how to drive soon. I have a puppy. Spring Concert is almost over. I really think my main problem is that I go into every relationship trying to love the guy enough to marry them. And I definitely fall in love. And as soon as I feel like, "Yay, we're going to get married!" And I get all my hopes up, and all my future planned-- They dump me. And then my world I built up is crashing down. And I think I'm maybe over (No, I'm really not, don't listen to me.) Josh. But next week, exactly a week from today, would have been our one year anniversary. And we'll be dancing on stage together. And we had plans to go out afterwards, but Lord knows that isn't going to happen now. He already made me cry the day before yesterday when he harshly exclaimed about going home right after Spring Concert and --texting those freaking internet whores-- I mean, going to sleep. I really wonder how stupid he thinks I am. And I hope he really does try to invite one of them to MY Spring Concert. I'd rip his balls off. He doesn't need to reproduce.
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