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The story is I got an e-mail today. Comedy club was having a meeting today over at the boys school, I wanted to go. School let out at 2:05 but the meeting ended at 3 and he was coming at 2:30. I figured ill get out early, because I really just needed to laugh after all these stressful projects.

I had a ball! It was a lot of fun, and I loved it…..but it was almost 3 already…..ah crap
He had already left. I called him and said I’m sorry and tried to explain. He cut me off and said I’m coming now. I could hear the anger in his voice as I handed my friend her phone back. There she witnessed me crying my eyes out because all I kept rambling was he’s going to yell at me.

Yeah, I’m balling my eyes out, because he’s going to yell at me. If we’re having an argument and I finally give up and say yes dad and agree with him on everything he just gets angrier that I’m agreeing!
This man infuriates me so much to the point that I cry because it’s useless to do anything else but at least crying makes me feel a bit better faster. There just is no talking with him without getting angry or getting to the point where he’s going to get angry.

Is it so wrong that I’m tired of being yelled at? I mean I don’t blame him for being mad, but things he tells me are just hurtful. Anytime I’m late getting to the car and I forgot to tell him he’ll tell me “Next time I’m just going to forget to pick you up”

I’m fat, and not THAT attractive already, and to know because I made a mistake that he’s going to leave my a** at school, that hurts. Does, does that mean if I ever make a mistake with a guy in a relationship that means he’s going to leave my a**? I don’t know, but when I think of my father the things I want to think of are things like: A LONG time ago he gave me a necklace on v-day or going to the father daughter dance and actually HAVING FUN (gasp).

Not hurtful things he’s said, not all the arguments that ended up with me crying in my room, mom yelling with dad over something small and stupid, my brothers retorting to something my dad said which makes him yell at them, being yelled at for ANY missing homework or little thing I’m missing, finding out from my brothers that he went to AA meetings from a picture in the living room of a group meeting, any grades threaten/hung over my head if I even MENTION having a guy friend. (Which is why I currently have none, other than the fact that I’m shy)

And the last thing I wanted to think of the MOST when I think of my father is WANTING to go with him to the Father Daughter dance or him at least faking enthusiasm to want to go with me


….instead of my mother asking me, while I take the ticket form and rip it to pieces.