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I was talking to my friend Ane and well she tole me about a guy she was in a way dateing....Im not going to go to far into it but basically hes giving her a christmas present and comming to see her on christmas. I just awwed so much at that and it gave me a feeling of longing. I really want to know what it feels like to really feel for someone like that.

I mean I just had this weird feeling in my heart when she told me about it. I just wanted to hug something or I don't know, I just put my hands on my heart and made a x3 face instead of squeeling.
On the day of our homecoming dance my friend Jasmine brought some guy along with her and to make a long story short she told me the next day that like the first 2 or 3 minutes of the car ride home, he talked about me.

I was fricking on cloud nine just hearing the sheer fact that someone of the oppoisite sex noticed me for something other than being the girl who sat there and didn't say much. Sadily though I haven't talked to him ever since because I decided to pretend to not be despirate and not ask about him unless he said something about me.

I haven't spoke to him since and it makes me a little sad. That could have been a good friend but my own timidness/shyness/nervousness just got a hold of me.

It made me think though if he had somehow liked me in anyway more than a friend than why hadn't anyone else? I recalled my cousin telling me "Its how you dress", she had said getting hit on in a shoe store and using her looks to try and get a discount. I still remember what she wore when she said that. A bright pink baby phat shirt, a light pair of applebottom jeans, with black nike shoes.
I still remember what I was wearing

A shirt with Stewie from family guy *christmas gift from my mother* black sweatpants, and payless white laceless gymshoes that had black scuffs on the side frim old age and repeative use. I never thought that they could ever make me feel so bad abou my looks as she did that moment.

Was that all that looks are reduced to now? What we can afford? Wait thats not even a question, its a statement. We have to spend to much money to look pretty....thats if your fat of course. Anyone who wears a large or below on a shirt size...they have a chance to be pretty without spending an a** load of money.

If your Xl like me or above.....your $hit out of luck for the most part.
Any clothes made for big women look as if they were put together from scraps of other dresses or shirts. I know some girls can find stuff and most do find stuff but if your like me in the size thing and want to get my point do this for me will you. *anyone people can try this to : P *

Put on your favoriate clothes or something that you can look into the mirror and say "Damn I look fantastic!" this would include makeup and things you used to do your hair (if you get it done at a salon keep the price in mind). When your done, try to recall how much each item was worth.

Everyones diffrent of course, but I bet at least one person out there is like me and sat down for a moment and just stood silent in thought.I felt really pretty at that dance and I remember what I wore.


http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w210/Kunoichi_1116/DSCF4743.jpg

(Im on the left)

Shirt *I loved that shirt, its like the fanciest/ elegant one I own* -$65
Tiara- $25
black jeans- $67
flat heel black shoes- $30
Flat iorn * for my hair* -$30

Total: $ 217 (around that)

All that money just to feel pretty at that one moment of time. It makes me sad to think about it, but not depressed. I have come to accept this as a fact of the way we live now.

You know its sad but true.....