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i know i writ you so many other messages of love but i think it is time you know just how much in love with you i am i can honestly say im in love like never before you make me feel amazing i know your not perfect but your perfect in my eyes and everything we have ever suffered through has made us stronger we survived it together because you are my soulmate my future husband the love of my life you fill my life everyday with joy love everytime i see your face hear your voice or see the sweet things you say my heart flutters i now know my heart beats just for you and my hands were made to fit yours i know in another life are past selves were together but this has nothing to do with their love this is are love my love for you is so deep so real i must say it it scary loving this much because i never felt this way my every thought dream is of you songs books ppl my dreams everything reminds me of you everyday i wear a mood necklace around my neck its always purple meaning love that just proves there isent 1 second i dont think of you you will never ever be lonely again i will give you all the love you could ever ask for and although you dream of me leaving you or cheating on you it makes me sad you think that but happy because it just proves just how much you love me everyday the first thing i do when i get up i come on the computer to see if your on even before i brush my hair or even get dressed your the first thing i do when i wake up and as i go to bed every night i tell you i love you while i lay in my bed hoping those words will reach you then i ask god to watch over you i must say i have had many sexual dreams lastnight i dreamnt of you and i making love it was so hot it was so real but wasent real but thats okay because it will be and it will be better then any dream i can imagine its not just the whole making love thing that i think of i think of being in your arms while u stare into my eyes and we kiss i think about when your sleeping how i will smile as i watch you sleep and wake you with a morning kiss i think of the many wonderful times we will have together the rest of are lives i think of when you ask me to marry you how happy that will make me i think of when we marry i think of it all let me tell you just how much i love you iv already thought of everything which i hope it never happends but if you every were really sick or severely injured and had to be in a wheel chair id be right there by your side loving you just as much as i love you now you would never ever be a burden to me if you had to get a transplant and they asked for a donor id be the one who would give any part of me to save you if you were in a coma id be right there talking to you loving you waiting for you to come out of it if anyone would ever try to hurt you theyd have to get through me first id risk my very life for yours without hesitation if you ever angry or sad you can vent to me you can cry in front of me i will never think of you as weak you can tell me all the things you feel u can pour your heart and soul out to me i will never ever break your heart nothing can make me stop loving you if you were to change into a demon or anything id be right there by your side if you ever need someone to listen to you or to talk to you can talk to me i know you dont understand me sometimes so its up to me to explain when you talk to or think of another girl or see another girl it hurts me because im afraid you will love that girl or want her instead of me but although hearing about the girls although it hurts i am happy when u tell me because that means u trust me enough to tell me and not hide it from me i must confess there was a couple times when u told me your thoughts and fantasies about me i did touch myself and imagined it was you also i have thought of the day when i die which i hope is way far from now i want to be buried right next to you i mean it i never wanna be seperated from you not even in death when your eyes change or you get markings or anything never hide it from me i will still think your perfect you look the best in anything you wear or dont i truly mean that i look forward to the days were elderly together and we can reflect back on when we first met and the life we shared i know what was missing in my life all this time it was you right from the beginning i was jealous of you and amanda together holding kissing eachother and i let it slip how i felt but u never caught on everytime you hugged me i secreatly wished youd never let go i hated how amanda treated you it was the day on the docks on harbour passage i knew i couldnt fight it anymore i loved you when you told me youd let nothing happen to me and you talked to me and they said we looked like a couple that made me happy i remember how scared on msn you were when u told me you liked me that whole night i couldnt stop thinking about that and i told you i liked you too then i asked u out which you were shocked i did but you said yes and i was never so happy and in 1 day of dating you i fell in love with you i was so hesitant to tell you i loved you fearing id get hurt but i took my chance and did i am so glad i did when you told me you wanted to marry me when u can i cried and iv never cried tears of hapiness but i did i was just so happy there really is no words that can describe my love for you is never ending cant be broken i can never say in words how happy you have made me happy isent even the word im beyond happy im so lucky to have you and everyday i promise to love and cherish you you are my love babe your all i ever need so to you i entrust my love my heart and soul to you.
the me nobody knows the things iv endured the pain iv endured i was born very sick had clamitia in my eyes cause my father cheated on my mom with a young girl i was born blue fighting for my life i was born with a sickness that is not curable i am prone to all sicknesses if i come in contact with it no matter what it is at a young age my father left me i suffered with abandonement hate thats when i let go and changed becoming violent hateful hurting anyone who got in my way i hated everyone i blamed them all for my pain grabbed a cord whipped my mom and her friend with it i dident feel sorry at all i yelled my eyes went pure red i kicked my mom into the dresser she hit the heater hard i dident feel anything i was empty did not care i hurt those i loved found my fathers picture took out a lighter without a thought i held the lighter in my hands flicked it on and wished to burn it all mom found me with the lighter i told her i hated him for leaving me she took the lighter from me i layed cying on the floor i was put into councelling it helped but it never ended the hate the sadness the abandonment everyone i loved always threathened to leave me my own mom took a knife and held it to herself and said she felt dead she said she wished my good friend jenna was her daughter instead of me i never forgot that she apologized but i never forgot it she threthened to leave me when she saw how hurt i was she apologized she shipped me away i felt she did not want me i came back and she was happy me too i now suffer with feeling as if i will lose everyone i love my great great grandmother died who i was close to and i cried never got over it another sign those i loved would leave me somehow in school life was hell bullied black eyes bruised kicked in ribs throat stepped on my head hit off the police car choked punched kicked my hair set on fire touched inapropriatly by a boy a boy lifting my shirt seeing my breast i was 14 scared as hell ppl hurassing me about the pain i suffered belieiving i lost a baby that was never real trying to hit my stomache saying your child wouldve been ugly its best she died i grabed the scizzors wanting to end it all i was stopped i climbed a rocky hill planing to dive off it i was once again stopped chased with a switch blade an ex threthening to rape me been beaten by an ex stalked by him my sister splitting open her head in the tub cause i let go dont know why i did i never will but i thought i killed her tried to drown myself ppl trying to let me drown saying i was faking while i screamed for someone my mouth filing with water passed out got a concussion still blank out pass out cause of it been cheated on used told i wasent good enough would never be that id always be alone been possessed moving was no different suffered attempted rape the boy i thought was my friend pushed me onto the seat got ontop of me i told him i had a bf he dident care he said it wouldnt last and hed have me one way or the other he threthened to get me pregnant been touched by him i hid it inside myself i just wanted to forget the whole thing but it never went away i had dreams of it friends turn on me my bestfriend turned on me blamed me for moving and went after my bf. put the moves on him friends turned in me threthening to beat me up used the info about the whole ordeal of my suffering pain i had my life be threthened ppl threthen to make my life hell ppl say i was a lesbian a phycotic phycopath my father wanted to buy my life my dad use to beat me nobody knows these things iv endured why i am the way i am why i feel like breaking why i cry why i hate why i hurt why i fear why i feel like im not good enough why i feel like im cursed if they knew this how would they feal pity hate discust or maybe think i am mental i am far from mental but these things almost drove me mental how much can one girl take before she breaks why i fear guys are after me for sex or to use me and throw me a side i fear guys i hate them there is only a few guys in this world i trust my dad my stepdad my bf if everyone only saw the me who cries the me whos dreams haunt her the me who wants to give up would they care?