Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

i dont want to go to school today.. cause i kno that i will see him.. and i really dont want to. i've been depressed a little this morning and i think i know the reson why, i'm just not sure... all i kno is that i dont want to see him because i kno at some point during the day, he's going to make me more depressed, or he'll make me the most happyist person today..
Depressed: 75%
Happy: 25%

i dont want to take the chances of it being a good day.. i've been waking up tired for the past few days not wanting to get up, and i just feel terrable.. i kno once i get to school and be surrounded by Beka, Ty, Moni and other friends i'll feel a little better.. but i still dont want to see him..

P.S.: Please, God, let it be a good day. and let me do well on my recital peice for my piano teacher..... and let my tears hold for when i'm alone in bed tonight...
_______________________________________________
My day at school was just about the same.. at one point i was standing at Beca's locker before lunch and i just got major depressed mode.. like my eyes looked dead. i just got real deep in thought for a moment.. Beca asked me what was wrong and i shugged and walked to my class (i dont have any friends in any of my classes except two, which i never talk to them in there cause one class is Chorus and the other is Technology..). i figured out at the beging of lunch, beka thought i was mad at her but i told her i wasn't, i just got a little distant..

and he...payed a little attention to me today... not a lot.. it's weird.. i luv it when he gives me attention.. but then again it hurts... i, like, thrive off of him.. i love seeing him, being around him.. but most of the time it's really hard.. i always feel distant.. cause i kno that i'll never be with him, he told me that himself.. but he's the only thing i can hold on to... i seem to have no one else at the moment.. and everytime i think i do, they disapear... or have some one else..

lol i said i'd finish it later but i dont remember the things i was going to say... oh well...