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Once in a while, people come to the point where they have made a profound discovery. After being thrashed almost to death with enlightenment for weeks *cough* a change begins to occur in our perceptions. Like the dawn of a new day upon the shores of a distant world. Stand on it with me, and imagine, being the first of humankind to grace it with your presence. But you do not think of the once desolate rock as a foreign entity. For weeks, you have labored on it: sowing the seeds, watering the soil, and nurturing the life that begins - all without the light of the sun to guide you. And then, at the last, when you stand with me and we see, for the first time, the point at which all effort has been poured into a brimming vessel.......it must be a good feeling!
Talent is not an easy word to define. People seem to think they can describe it as something incoherent - a conception that can be seen easily, but not explained. What IS talent, really?
I have been told that I have talent. But, to me, it is more like a nagging itch than a blessing from God. I suppose it is a blessing in it's own way, but the idea of a blanket approval doesn't sit well with my system. wink Think of it like....a need that just won't quit. I have something I want to say, and somehow, I know how to say it. With music.
That's all it is.
Really.
I'm serious. 3nodding
The question now, is "Can I call this a hobby, or a career?"
Ah! There's the rub!
It is something I enjoy, I know that much. Even when I am in a low point (that would be now) and have nothing to say because I've done a lot of 'talking' recently, I still savor the feeling of being a part of that creative process. I enjoy everything about it, from the upsides, to the downsides. Believe it or not, even the frustrating, nagging, ANNOYING process by which I ferret out a problem. GAH! xp
I'm not sure I would enjoy doing what I do if it was a career. But, then again, if I didn't have that incentive....hmmmm..... sad
I've forgotten how to have fun, you know.
And, it's rather silly of me to admit that, because, all people have fun, don't they? surprised
Not really. No. xp
I honestly work as much as I can, for the sake of keeping my head above the financial murk of bankruptcy. Ask someone older than 25 sometime how hard it is to live on your own (as, I am assuming they DON'T still live with their parents blaugh ).
It is very hard to make your way in the world.
And I guess....I guess I have been so concerned with 'survival', that I've forgotten one important point.
God didn't put us here to worry.
Struggle, yes. There is no guarantee that life will be peaches and cream, and everyone out there reading this should know darn well by now that it isn't AT ALL.
But we shouldn't worry. smile
What a simple concept! It is so easy to say and think about. He cares for a sparrow, he'll care for you! You may have times of difficulty, and times where you will fail, and times where you will lose everything you thought was important. These times are important, because they will make you stronger, and make you more into the person you SHOULD be, not just the person you WANT to be.
And how do you know what kind of person you should be?
Don't even ask that question. God knows. And as patience is a virtue, waiting to find out for yourself shouldn't be a problem, right? blaugh
But....don't worry! It's an amazing concept, and apparently, one that I have forgotten. It IS hard to keep in mind. The world makes sure of that. "Pay this bill", and "Work X number of hours" begin to creep in on you; they undermine what little progress you have made with 'enriching' your life, because, when has the world of business ever cared about something that does not profit them? It is the nature of a business to earn and spend resources. What care have they for resources that have been wasted on something that can only be aesthetically pleasing - with no real use, save as an eye soother?
I've forgotten how to laugh.
I've forgotten how to relax.
I've forgotten how to have a good time.
I've forgotten how to enjoy life.
I've forgotten how to treasure the simple joys.
I've forgotten how to breathe.
I've forgotten how to sing.
And in all these things that I have forgotten, I have remembered one.
I've remembered that I have forgotten.
Can there be hope for recovery?
Maybe.
Remember. To err is human. To forgive, divine.
Can I forgive myself these 'err'ors?
I don't know.
There's a hill
There's a cross
There's a battle,
There's a loss.
There's a winning and losing and raging and dying,
And through all of these things there is somebody crying,
Crying for what is not sown and not seen,
A raging redemption for what cannot be clean.
There's a life,
From above,
There's a truth and a faith and a penitent love,
There is Grace,
Though unseen,
We have come and we've died and we've come out clean....
There is God
 Kira Dwenna · Sun Mar 27, 2005 @ 09:10am · 0 Comments |
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