I have this horrible tendency to go back through my boxes of books, find a spot, or scene, or portion of one that I like, and reread that portion until satisfied.
For some reason, I have been doing this with Janny Wurts' Wars of Light and Shadow books. They are very complicated affairs that derive much pleasure from the scurrilous (or should I say, melodic?) use of the english language.
I enjoy them for the simple reason that I love the main character. Arithon s'fFalenn is a Masterbard and compassionate being who has been forced, through the precepts of a rather disturbing curse, to try to kill his half brother. Watching him get knocked down, pull himself back to his feet, and to have that cycle repeat over and over again...it is both a disturbing, and pleasurable experience.
'Disturbing' for the sake of the awful things that happen, and 'pleasurable' to view his extraordinary character. Quite a trip. xd
After picking my way through The Curse of the Mistwraith yet again, I finally decided to Wiki Ms. Wurts and see if she had any interesting places online. Lo and behold! A whole set of interviews with tips for aspiring artists - and writers! eek
Being of the curious sort, I immediately set myself to reading some of these aforementioned 'tips' in the hopes of gleaning something from them. What I read set my world on its head.
Did you know, I never really thought of it that way before? Both writing and editing are part of the creative process, but one is wholly creation, while the other is wholly destruction. In the point of view of Ms. Wurts, the two should not be combined together. They are naturally inimical to each other, and like the two half-brothers in her books, do not get along without destroying the best of each.
And I thought to myself - Hm. I wonder...is that why I never seem to be able to finish anything?
I can rattle off a list of over a dozen story ideas, titles, characters...you name it, I have it in droves. Sheets upon sheets of paper I will never discard but for the small area down in the corner where I wrote a few terse sentences. I have designated areas for each page, yet they somehow never coincide with their place in the world, preferring to stack themselves haphazardly on every space available. (and that, I have very little of)
Yet, nothing is finished. Sometimes, I find the end of a story. A brief moment of content. A small flash of insight. But nothing, nothing, NOTHING has ever been finished. Under CONstruction is the furthest I have ever gotten towards starting, working on, and finishing a project - and you see how much work that needs.
The problem lies, I think, in the fact that nothing is ever 'good' enough. I let my inner editor have free reign with my ideas before they get out onto the page, and then I sit there, staring at them, trying to determine why the heck they (the characters) got into that predicament. I got so tired of starting over from page one that I obliterated the process completely, and forgot how to give things free rein.
That would be a dilemma, I think. ninja
And here I am, again, starting on a project that by all rights should have the ability to be finished. I am the ONLY one that can write this. That isn't to say that I am the only one who has had the idea, or the only one who could write of the characters....but Tonmalerei is a story that I CREATED, and MY unique way of doing things can never be shared.
I think, through the course of my life, and maybe even the course of my learning, that thought has always colored my perception. That's why I've kept trying, over and over again, even though my editor won his constant war to keep the stories locked inside. No one else will ever be capable of telling this story the way I can. I may not be the best writer, or the best artist, or even the best creative mind in the world, but I am the only one of my ilk.
This viewpoint has nothing to do with being ego-centric. It is simply the way it is. YOUR story could never be written by anyone but you. MY story can never be written by anyone but me. And they will never, ever, EVER make it out of our heads and onto the paper if we don't realize that fact.
Oh, and act on it, of course.
I think the other thing that has always affected me is that one verse in the bible, in Ecclesiastes. It states, loosely quoted, that there is a "time for everything under the sun" and that the same fate awaits every man. This in mind, we should do everything we can in every day we have with great effort. We don't know the day we will die - why save things for another moment, when there is no guarantee that that moment will come?
So, I suppose I will continue to strive to write. I will attempt to silence the limiting 'editorial' voice, and concentrate on nothing but the relentless spill of words onto the page. I will tell my whining, emo self that there is no room for self-pity, and that there is a story to be told, dangit!
There's nothing saying I can't take it out and start over later, right? mrgreen
I think I will end this journal entry with the little bit that spoke right to my heart:
"Third, when you create - do not try to destroy at the same time. You are either drafting (creating) until you have a story, then after that, you are editing (destroying). The two processes are diametrically opposed. If you try to "perfect" while drafting, you will only choke yourself down. The voice that wants to be critical MUST be turned off when you are setting down a new idea. Only after that idea is set down will you realize what you have, and know how to apply critical thinking to it to polish its form. If you don't have the "steam" to work, or you can't seem to get much done, or stuff keeps arising that won't let you write, recognize that this is simply self-pity. Cut the excuses, quit procrastinating, and get back to business. Tell yourself the truth: if you really wanted to write, you'd do it in coffee breaks, in lunch hour, or commuting to work on the bus or the train.
~Janny Wurts
 Kira Dwenna · Tue Mar 20, 2007 @ 12:25am · 1 Comments |
