Stress...
And another day for writing...
Stress is over-taking so many lives. Right now so much s**t is tearing me to pieces and I don't know what to do.
I feel like my friends are betraying me... I feel completly distrot. I'm tired and I want to cry. I'm doing my best at school, getting good grades, but this just adds to stress. My mother expects so much from me, and I can't hold to her ways.
She wants me to get good grades, get a job, do all the house chores, get my licence, do so much s**t, and I'm 16...She yells and yells and yells. My stupid S-dad wont mind his own and I'm becoming completly destroyed. No one will listen to me... And I don't know what to do, because no one can help me.
I know things are becoming worse, I recently had an episode when I cut up my arm and I know it was wrong, but it was all I could do to stop the anger and the stress. It let it out...
I'm now getting an eating disorder because I'm having trouble making friends... I can't meet anyone cause they judge me so quickly, and I'm never sure what they judge so it goes right to "Something must be physically wrong with me to make them do that."
Am I ugly? Am I fat?
I feel now that even eating a MINI package of skittles is to much. Half the time I have to force myself to eat one meal a day, and by the end I've bloated and feel even worse and have to work out for an hour just to feel better.
I'll be 17 soon, and I'm single. And this is stressful as well. I don't like being alone. My parents do jack s**t, my family is worthless to me when it comes to how I feel.
To my mum, I'm supposed ot be perfect. My dad and sister dont give a rats a** and my s-dad is useless, he adds most of the stress.
I want someone who I can be close to and hold and who will comfort and listen to me when I need it. But I can't find that person. I'm going to soon be so secluded that I might just want to kill myself. I tried once, no one knew, I only got yelled at for being sick one morning when I was so numb I couldn't get out of bed.
People who made me feel warm have all disppeared or abandoned me, or found someone else.
I'm happy for people who I know who can get in a relationship and hold it, but what about me... I know it might seem self centered, but I'd like someone to care for once in my life and not judge or yell at me for my problems! It's not ******** fair!
I'm tired... I just want to sleep and not have to ever get up...
And while some people out there think that I'm just trying to get attention (Emo) or ******** up, you all all can go to hell...
It's people like that who make people with an ounce of hope left to survive end their lives. You wont listen, you just are so self centered you wont help anyone else.
All we want is help more then anyone... People just fail to see that...
