Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Every now and then I do something that amazes me, but it's not very often. Usually, I just disapoint myself. It's a funny feeling, if you think about it. You want something to turn out a certain way, but then it flops on your face and smacks you so hard you think you're going to cry--sometimes you do it hurts so damn bad.

of course, amazement can hurt even worse. because you have to live the rest of the time knowing you can't do something as good as you could that once. for instance, every now and then i write something that I am proud of. the rest of the time i can barely stand to write because, well, there is a line between what i write, and on the other side, what is in me to write. the problem is, i can't seem to write what is in me.

i can't tell you the number of times i've almost given up writing, yet i alwys pick it back up for some unknown reason. maybe someday I'll finally be able to write what is in me, just once, for one story, and not just some little worthless tidbit. of course, then i'd try another story and it wouldn't work. i like to think of it as being heart broken. maybe it is...

maybe my mind just doesn't think or work well when it's plagued by migraines.