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The day you went away
You had to screw me over
I guess you didn't know
all the stuff you left me with
is way too much to handle
But I guess you don't care

You don't need to preach
you don't have to love me, all the time

Whatever on earth possessed you
to make this bold decision
I guess you don't need me
While whispering those words
I cried like a baby
hoping you would care

You don't need to preach
you don't have to love me, all the time

You don't have to preach
all the time

~Saturnine by The Gathering of off "If_Then_Else"

So, I currently love that song.. I'm sure you're wondering why. It reminds me of so much in my life. I see so many people leaving me so far behind that even my not so silent tears cannot make them so much as turn around. Unless sometimes they do--that's even worse. Turn. Stare. Breathe. Count the seconds. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Don't meet my eyes. Turn on your heel. Away.

Or sometimes.. I start to cry, hurting so bad inside... And someone stalks right up to my face. Accusing me how wrong I am. Making like it's my fault that I'm the way I am. Not seeing it's not my fault there's a pain inside eating me alive. Most can't see that, most assume... I want the pain and strive to surround myself in it.

Tell me I'm wrong, force me down on my knees, crying for forgiveness for things I never did. Reminding me each and every moment... how much I hate me...because you hate me too...