Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

My life is a lie.

My body is none more than a mask over my true self.

I ask not of your opinion, acceptance nor your judgement,
but I feel as if I should be heard to the very least.


I am a monster.
I am a nightmare.
I am the devil in disguise.
I am none more than a burden to more people than those who believe I am not.

I have resigned my outgoing nature to further my life in simple solitude.

Years upon years, days upon days,
I have been none more than a burden,
than a villain,
than a crook,
than a liar,
that a thief.

And not a thief of physical belongings, no,
but a thief of happiness, strength, will power and confidence.

I have come to accept these things as hard as it may be,
although, it does hurt.

It is very easy to label an individual, whether or not the good times resist the bad.
Whether or not the first impression was respectable or not.

It is very easy to blame;
and most definitely very easy to become blinded.

All my life, I was told these things about how I am a corrupted soul.
About how I did specific things by individuals who speak to me as if they ARE me.

And they are not.

It was never strength that pushed me through, but rather,
the constant reminder than those who speak for me are NOT me.

What have I learned throughout the years?

That I am worthless?
Pathetic?
Vain?
Villainous?

No. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I refuse to change based off of what you believe I should have or should have not learned.

I am not an idiot; I am dumb but not an idiot.

I know and I knew what my faults were, not every single one [of course because I am none more than a simple human] but quite a few, to say the least.

Of course I have learned.

But your perception is that; if I have truly learned, I will never do so again.

My perception is for myself, not your perception of me.

I honestly believe, that I have every choice to do what I wish.
(And for those who read this now, you must be scoffing, not believing a single word based off of a past event. But people evolve and this is now, not then.)

So honestly, what have I learned year upon year, day upon day?

That not any individual can speak FOR me.
Not any individual can tell me to my face that they knew my intentions from the start.
Not any individual can tell me things about myself that I know 100%, and absolutely without a doubt in my mind, are NOT true.

So keep on keeping on, people.

I know for a fact I am a genuinely golden soul. Good morals, solid truths.
I also know for a fact that I am human, so quit expecting for me to be perfect.

I think it is absolutely sad how I can have a streak of doing so good and, God forbid I make a mistake, but one simple thing can make people believe that everything was a bluff.

I know what is true, I know who I am, I know what I said and I know why I said it, I know what I did and I know why I did it.

I know myself better than anyone on this hell broken planet will EVER know.

And I am a beautiful soul, regardless of what you have to say about me.