|
Rant-O-Matic! *cha-ching!* |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Okay. I tried going home and relaxing. That didn't work. stare
I tried playing a video game. That didn't work. stare
I tried walking around in the bitter cold for a bit. That didn't work. stare
So, now...at the end of a veeery long afternoon, I just have one thing to say:
Who the HELL died and made my Band Director King?!!
RAR!!! scream scream
I have been trying to convince the man for the past two WEEKS now, that I am not going to be in marching band again next year. I have other things on my plate, other issues to deal with, and yes, SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE I WOULD LIKE TO GRADUATE?!!! stressed
So, yes, he wants to know what I'm getting a degree in - after I spend a few minutes convincing him that it is NOT the money (I would stay IN if it was), and it is NOT that I don't like marching any more. stare I tell him "music composition". He replies, "oh, music education, that's what I thought you said."
...
...
...
..."umm, no, actually, I said composition." sweatdrop
"Oh, yes education is a good pick." biggrin
...
...
...
...let me point out for the record that I do respect and admire this man. I appreciate all that he has done for me, and I do like him well enough to be in his band for four years. 3nodding
That said, I would like to also point out that I have never gotten so upset at an individual without yelling, or striking at them (siblings...ehe..) in retaliation in my ENTIRE life. xp
Why shouldn't I choose composition, hmmm? Because I won't make enough money? Why should that matter? Yes, I want to write. Yes, I know I could have opportunity doing that as a band director. No, I didn't get my plans from anyone, I came up with them on my own. Well, I AM going to be taking a couple of workshops next semester along the lines I want to go....(note: this is the first time EVER that this university is offering Computer Music and Audio Production biggrin )...yes, I realize that the info I'm going to receive will already be old hat (where are you supposed to START, if you don't start SOMEWHERE?!! stressed ). No, I don't want to do education. I'm going to take an associate in Broadcast Technology to 'earn my keep' while I make no money whatsoever on Composition....it's in the field I want to go in! 3nodding
GrrrrrrRARGH! scream gonk
I'm sorry, let me clarify. I am a fourth year music major getting a Bachelor's in Music Composition. While I am 'finishing up' private lessons (long story, don't ask stare ), I'm going to take a two-year associate in Broadcast Technology. More years in school, but it will help. I want to write music for video games. biggrin The field is expanding exponentially and I enjoy just the thought of being a part of it. I'm told the music I write is decent, and I can't think of anything that would be more rewarding and enjoyable - frustrating, yes, but all careers have that. xd
The conversation the took place this afternoon was demeaning. It was....someone had.....it was like having a pretty flower that you raise and tend and love...and someone just walks over and *STOMPS* on it because they don't want you to have it. Then gives you a rock to make up for it. sad
Just because I decided for MYSELF what I wanted to do, does that make it any less worthy? Why do I HAVE to get a music education degree? I don't want to teach. That idea doesn't appeal to me in the least. mad Why CAN'T I take a path that no one in this po-dunk state of Eye-dee-hoe has tried before? evil
Oh, wait, someone HAS. I happen to know an individual who graduated from THIS school WITH a comp degree, and IS THE RESIDENT COMPOSER OF A NEW GAMING COMPANY!!! xd
I've been told for a good four years now that I should be a teacher. Even my dad tells me that I should have a backup...and that it should be education. I tell everyone that isn't what I want to do, and they laugh, shrug, pat me on the head, and tell me that, "It'll change, you'll see."
And yet, I'm in my senior year - no where near graduating yet, to be sure, but still about 2/3 of the way there biggrin - And SURPRISE!!! I still want to compose. xd Not only are people beginning to look worried, but I'm getting told off for not doing something normal. stare
I'm angry. evil Tired of trying to argue. xp And I want to cry, very badly. crying You see, the thing is, I have to decide whether or not I am choosing the right path for me. It's one of those times of your life where you decide to do one thing, to the exclusion of many other choices. Avenues close behind you, to be sure, but there is SUPPOSED to be a broader vista on the other side..... stare
neutral ....and being stubborn is one thing, but I also have to decide whether or not they have a point. I cannot make any sort of real decision without approaching all arguments and knowing to the best of my abilities which choice will be the best one. ninja
But, you see, at the same time, if I choose the one that I have NEVER wanted, over the one that I have ALWAYS wanted, I feel I will kill that tiny little flower. Am I insane for thinking such a thing? Am I stupid for being self-destructive (because I do not wish to make money)? Am I an idiot for not wanting to teach as even a side job? gonk
Damnit. Just...just toss the whole thing in the nether regions of hell. I don't want to deal with it. cry
 Kira Dwenna · Fri Dec 03, 2004 @ 01:30am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
