I have a hard time talking to people, unless I'm talking to myself. I stutter, stumble, use the wrong phrase, get awkward and laugh, think long and hard when I need to find the perfect word, and I generally destroy the flow of conversation. It's painful to talk at times, and I just feel like being mute would be the best way to go. But I have to work with what I got, and I'm usually an optimist.
Anyway, this has been my situation for most of my life. Up until now, I didn't think about it much, but I felt a great embarrassment. I even had a hard time sharing my life experiences and the interesting situations I've been in. This made it hard for me to participate in conversations. I would "feel" an experience that's relevant, but how could I express it? I couldn't - there "were no words". What I experienced was unable to be shared. Private. Without really thinking, I attributed it to shyness. I WAS a shy kid, after all.
But I'm not shy, for the most part. Not anymore. I like being with people, and I enjoy conversation. I realized this recently, after being in college (since last September). Then, what was my real problem?
I now know that I was not thinking the right way. I could not contribute my experiences because I did not ABSORB them the right way, and I did not how to SHARE them properly. Just getting involved with more people doesn't cut it.
Just to make it clear: In order to be able to contribute to conversations, you HAVE to see your experiences as something you can share with others. You have to pay attention to everything to REMEMBER. And, you must have CONFIDENCE that you have an interesting story and that it's worth sharing, that it's worth listening to.
There's parts of this that I noticed from dealing with people that make for good storytellers:
1. They have interesting lives. They're active in their own lives.
2. They have invested time into forming their opinions and views of themselves, as well as life in general.
3. They talk to A LOT of people, and get practice that way.
How did I realize this? Graem was one major influence. He's a natural storyteller, where he not only knows what story to tell, but HOW to tell it. Listening to him made me evaluate myself, and I saw the room for improvement. Then, the more I got involved in campus groups, the more I watched the train wreck come out of my mouth. Working with a student group that is involved in sharing information on Global Health, I HAVE to be able to talk to people about various issues. I couldn't do it without feeling self-conscious about my "speech impediment". But I couldn't help but watch people. They would be able to talk about complex ideas and concepts, and I wanted to be able to do that.
No, I am not perfect. But I just recently started on this, and I feel much more relaxed and willing to contribute. I also pay more attention to what I'm doing every day.
The Buddha, once reaching Enlightenment, did not think that he would be able to share his knowledge with others. I must have felt similar. But, if you don't come down and share what you've learned, then what good are you serving humanity?
tl;dr It's about your attitude about how you take in experiences. For me, I didn't see my experiences as something that could be shared with others. I do a lot of things and learn interesting information, but if I can't express it to other people, what's the point? It might solve a lot of my social problems, haha.
