(I put my "discussion" into multiple entries because people have short attention spans. Me including so I'm not bad mouthing at all Dx; I'm stating a fact. Humans - have - short - attention - spans - thank you. Shortened entries but more entries, fine, if that's a must ; x ; As long as people are still here - -, I'll feel very happy C':> )
Well, I've been writing too much for me to know what I'm saying so don't take anything so seriously, especially my character, when I'm not writing in this like a diary but when I'm explaining who I am. It's unlikely you know who I am with what I give you. Remember? I'm similar to Kisuke Urahara (Entry 1 and Entry 2). "Life is a Boat", "nobody knows who I really am", is my autoplay video.
Actually, I only said "I've been writing too much for me to know what I'm saying" to dissuade you. To make sure you weren't thinking too much, especially if you weren't right about it, for who knows if you are or aren't if it's all in your head.
Quoting myself, "With strangers, I know there’s an impossibly high chance one can misunderstand anything and everything. And I can’t tolerate misunderstanding. The whole reason I’m writing entries is to PREVENT misunderstanding – but you also shouldn’t take my entries that seriously as it’s a one-sided conversation. You actually haven’t talked to me, now have you? You really can’t make a judgment about me based on my entries. It would null my entries' existence, offend me, and hurt me. After all, I could be telling you mild things that hardly mean anything. I could be ranting due to boredom. But honestly, I write because I want kind people to read it. I want you to know me so that you understand, but I’m missing the actual social interactions because I’m too impatient. Oh, well. No one knows how I think anyway so if it’s not about my personality, at least you may be entertained with my brain. I’m quiet in reality and I don’t say something unless I feel I need to say something, or if I have something to comment on. I like to input my thoughts but I know my ideas could be very poor and unneeded, but I’ve always hated class group discussions."
They can misunderstand all they want and which part they want because they don't understand enough yet.
That's why I'll be making entries private again later. I won't be deleting them because I can use what I said again and not have to rewrite it. I won't be deleting them because then I don't have Word Doc versions; I'll have it on Gaia.
And in the very end, I can delete all of them if I want to too.
I made three entries public again on May 19th.
The reason I leave them public, make them friends-only, private, then public again is simple. I don't know what you think. Of anything, any word, any section of text. I don't know how you think about all these things either.
You could be right. You can be wrong. You can be very very right (unlikely). You can be very very wrong. How am I supposed to know?? You read and then leave; all I see if a number in my "Archive" - helping me not at all. I feel very lost.
Because of this over-whelming uncertainty and instability in what the heck you think of anything and everything I've said: how seriously you took something or how lightly you took something, and your entire thought process, I made it friends only then private to avoid bad things happening.
Then, because they're private, you don't know me again. I make the entries public.
But because they're public for an amount of time, I still don't know what thirty or so people have thought passing by and I make the entries private or friends-only again to avoid misunderstandings, drama, mistakes, arguments, and fights.
Either misunderstanding or fights because I purposely blocked people from viewing the "4Kids" entry after it was public for a bit.
I knew it could be thought of in the wrong way for as much as you would like to think whichever way you choose to think.
I never said anything bad about 4Kids, I was merely explaining how it doesn't exist to you if you don't like it. If I hadn't known about 4Kids, I still wouldn't know about it. If I saw and didn't like it, why know of it? It's for kids. It's meaningless to get worked up over something that isn't absolutely, absolutely reasonable to be angry about. Angry, not just annoyed. Furious, not just irritated.
I applaud people who control their emotions. They know the best solution. They know others are doing something "ridiculous," in their possible point of view, because of the action's lack of reason and meaning. Being angry like that won't do anything except waste time (or worsen things) and people who control their emotions, being neutral, can see the why it's better and easier to not get angry.
In what situation has anger ever solved anything?
If you could please enlighten me by answering me this, that would be positively lovely, because it's interesting and I don't have an answer. I don't want to think about it myself because it does not interest me that much, but it's appealing to see people think about it or try to.
Anyway, so that's why I'll be making entries talking about me or talking about some controversial thing private. Definitely only those; others will stay public.
I know which ones can and will cause so much uncontainable and uncontrollable trouble.
Finally, with all these entries, I'm sorry if I sound self-centered. I'm explaining myself and explaining myself so strangers can understand a little bit?. -sighs-
(It's a little sad cause I don't like explaining. To be honest, I don't feel I need to explain myself most times. Sorry for leaving friends out of my head/plans/thinking so much like that though)
The strange thing is, with new people in one's life, when I met a few people, this is how it goes:
If we're compatible, I don't even have to explain ANYTHING. It's a normal relationship where we just spend time together and you'll get to know me.
When we are not compatible, or at least not in my knowledge of things (ie: in the beginning of a relationship, you don't know if you're similar to your friend, per se), I will explain the heck away.
From fear of misunderstanding. From impatience.
When you're at an extremely high level in a video game, then you suddenly die before the high score, you start over again - with nothing. That extreme loss is unbearable; therefore, meeting new people is somewhat not easily tolerable. They know nothing and can get everything wrong, given the chance, before you two even talk to each other for the first time. You can lose before you even said anything.
However, I'm sure I'm thinking too much about that; c'mon, have faith in humans/people.
A friend who already knows at least some things about you - even that amount is vast when you think how strangers and acquaintances know nothing. Isn't it frustrating?
I can write nothing and have nothing on my profile, but since I don't post in forums, it would be tough for people to know who I am. I like the English parts of my autoplay video, "Nobody knows who I really am...Nobody knows who I really am, maybe they just don't [care]." And the following you and keeping you strong heart )
Like I wrote before, no one does know. Not as long as I'm aware of how much I let go and this is subconscious as I never notice just HOW much I let go; if someone pulls out a list of things that are about me, you'll jolt and terrify me enough to feel like running away, but I won't be able to because I'm stunned and there's no real reason to run away from someone's who known you for this long, has loved you for this long, and hasn't truly/horribly hurt you for this long, after all this time. I'm not supposed to be afraid and I know that. It's just ... a little scary.
I do not have to care when with friends, but still. I don't know where I stand with people; I usually never do. Even if I let my close friends in, I'm still subconsciously terrified enough to be affected by the 'knowing you' thing. Well, it's not my fault people don't tell people things; we imply things. Only on Valentine's would we spill - or on anniversaries of friends' meetings would you spill out how much someone means to you.
"No one does know" who I am because "like I wrote before,"
my parents may know me some more things than my friends do, but my friends know a few but significant things that my parents don't and, at the same time, both of those people don't know what I know.
(Edit: I'll include where that is once I find it; I remember writing it somewhere)
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