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Bored + stressed; Comments; Friendship; Compatibility/Taurus
The abnormal, creepy, terrible mixture. You're bored and relaxed most of the time, and yet on a constant low level, there is this anxiety, tenseness, and stress. ' ~ '
Preparing for school is like this every year. I don't know why.
If I log on, it has to do with gaia items. I made a bookmark of items I need and organized stuff. I transferred my 'regular clothes' items somewhere, but that's not the point. I'm waiting for a certain Sunday to come up, two Sundays from now, so I can buy items, and until then, I'll be doing nothing . __ .
I felt bored today. Been a long time since I was bored like this. It's like this every summer Dx. (Then again, recently, I randomly commented people and it was weird; I always forget you can talk to people again ... My '0 people online' on my friends list does not help me with that mentality though < <;; )
Logging on Gaia made me more bored. .__. ... Shouldn't have gone online like I thought x'D I only logged on because of my accounts, items, and I thought it was a bad idea to be a hiatus. Guess it's not. Just making sure. People strangely disappeared anyway, or they're busy.
Something I thought a few days ago: What is wrong with me and comments?
I know I'm not liking the publicity, but if I'm not saying anything important that could danger my life, I can still reply people. I must be getting worse, ugh. Paranoia(?) aside, I feel lazy to reply. I'm feeling unmotivated. I like talking to you, but I'm strangely uninterested in replying lol.
Though Ranka doesn't count. Our PM is long and that's purposely put on hold until I have time C: Well, the mental strength too 8O;;
Other people. I just have no idea. I would like to talk, and it's not like comments are a problem, but there's this ..... total blankness I feel. Motivation has to be it .__.
I've been on here for six years and I've never been on a hiatus yet. And I hadn't had nothing to hold me here, but this year, I have nothing holding me here. I used to, my roleplaying, but I'm busy too. My life is more prominent, which makes roleplaying not hold me here either anymore. Strange as that sounds because, in the past, I loved talking to roleplayers.
Ugh Dx
Fairy Tail doesn't feel like home anymore ;^; (And no one's online remember? Everyone's magically disappeared. ;-; )
It seems like roleplayers like to talk to roleplayers, I'm an outsider and I'm choosing to ignore that fact, live in denial, and still try to talk to characters. It makes me feel sad. I feel especially sad because Fairy Tail has a special meaning to me.
A friend of a parent's friend once told me that with the right people/friends, you don't feel left behind. That means you're not supposed to feel left behind at any time! Fairy Tail is an important place/has this group of amazing people albeit not real.
I had written this in February,
"I love Fairy Tail's friendship; I feel great knowing I matter and knowing I belong somewhere. But, honestly, this year, I finally understood how much I mattered/how people felt about me after sending Valentine's Cards to my friends telling them of how appreciate I am of them, letting them know how I feel. And my strong friendships made me love Fairy Tail even more.
"Fairy Tail is a wonderful guild" may an understatement. The mages, they're more than friends; they're family. Everyone is part of the guild; no one gets left behind; no one gets forgotten and everyone matters. Nothing is the same without any one person; and they all give each other strength. They save their friends but most of the time, their friends are saving them. It's amazing."
Mind you, please, I don't have some sort of sad life. It's simply this: Virgos do not believe being friendly with someone means you are friends;"friendship goes way deeper with us" and "if you hurt a Virgo's friend, we retaliate like it happened to us".
I was raised with that in my subconscious (because I didn't know what my personality was like and who I was, etc,) while growing up watching shows that had the power of friendship, and liking the shows! (No wonder I liked them)
My friendships are very capable of lasting forever; I know this. My way of choosing who I'm friends or lovers with is not odd, it's correct. Why be friends with someone who's not going to be with you for very long? Why become friends with someone you know you won't like? No one likes to be mistaken. Not on such an important thing and especially not that. No one wants to hear, "Oh sorry. We can't be friends anymore" because the person were wrong about being compatible within half an hour. No.
Friendship is fine, but compatibility is forever. You can be acquaintances, easily, but you won't be friends if there's no compatibility, so I do say hi, but I'm not "in it" until I see similarities. I'm in it for long term friendships.
Like one girl, after 'hello's and 'how are you', she randomly asked me if I liked Chinese food, and before that day, during Reading Break, she mentioned she liked the quiet since many people didn't stay during Reading Week; they had traveled home. Two very small things .... but that was all I needed. After that, I wanted to hang out with her. I could see we can be friends, and I had no problems. I can go say hi, hang out with her like I would with one of my high school friends, whom I've known for a long time. It's like a snap of fingers; she wasn't a stranger anymore.
I'm not uninterested with new people. I'm friendly and nice towards new people, but I'm not devoted. I have chatted, but I wouldn't be really into the conversation as I would with a stable best friend whom I've known for almost ten years. There is a sharp difference in behaviour and emotion; for example, I'd feel relaxed and open with a close friend, and I'd have absolute faith.
But only after compatibility matches.
It's like Tauruses (and Capricorns, though I know only one Cappy, my other best friend). I have this weird faith in Tauruses. Once I've know someone's a Taurus, I automatically think nothing will EVER go wrong, perfect friendship, happily ever after, the end. Okay, not like that, that sounds awful. And, well, I only did that with one person and we were already close friends before that, so I can't change my thinking with a complete stranger.
I meant .. there's this weird thing about it.
My best friend is a Taurus, my mom's a Taurus, my gaia sister is a Taurus, Ranka is a Taurus.
There is this complete match that will always be right. This loving certainty ... So forgive me for jumping on the 'best friends' train once I know someone's a Taurus. I know horoscopes don't matter, but in this ONE single case, it does because I did it with Ranka weeks ago. We've known each other for two years. We've been talking recently. Any time we would talk, we get into this large PM, very fun, and .... well, bliss. We understand each other, we can talk about anything, we both listen, we both advise, we're stubborn, we make jokes, we're mature, we get along. And this was BEFORE I found out Ranka is a Taurus! Before knowing, I already decided Ranka was a true friend, meaning we would be friends for a really long time and nothing could happen even if anything should happen. After knowing Ranka is a Taurus, the fact of "Ranka being a true friend" became even stronger.
I was like .. I thought, 'Wow.' And it would explain the compatibility of our friendship for the past few years. Now, I feel perfect. (Well, not "right now at this second", but at this time in my life)
Certainty is the best present to a Virgo and nothing is more pleasing than a stable relationship. By stable, think of the most stable thing you know, triple the stability if a man-made object or earth-born chemical because you can't measure the equality between a not physical thing and a physical thing.
8'D
Well, I'm done. That was nice c'':
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