Like uncovering a diary of someone you know or not, the person is not aware that you are reading it and allows them self to be free from the wider world and recollect.
I guess Gaia is possibly the only place where I can speak or type freely about all that has happened recently without fear that anyone will read it or such. My day so far has been some-what contradicting in terms of content and displeasure.
For starters, the first bad thing to happen is that my friends were bad-mouthing a very close friend of mine. They were saying that her religion is ridiculous and such, I was not able to help and I felt so helpless that I couldn't defend her then. When she arrived into the room they acted as if they said nothing wrong. To calm myself, I walked out of the room and tried to do some schoolwork to keep my mind at ease. It didn't work and I began to sing a song that usally calms myself down, a nursery rhyme if you must know. However, this failed and I began to feel the tears welling up. Maybe I'm too sensitive, I don't know.
Class started and I was not able to fix myself up, so I decided to run before they notice that my face was red. DID NOT WORK. They caught a quick glimpse of my red face before I dashed out of the room and soon after the building to go to class quickly. I honestly tried to not make a big deal of it, I was even thinking up of excuses so it won't seem to weird. I ended up telling my friend all about it, because she was the closest one I know, even though we've only known each other for nearly 3 years. I couldn't help it, so I confessed to her that they were talking about her behind her back.
The next period was art. My friend who was also present when this back stabbing occured, asked me if I'm alright because my face was swollen. I came up with a plauseable lie. It made sense when I told her;
"It's just my eczema"
Lucky for me she believed this, my mind was at ease once again. Afterall, the frind that did most of the back stabbing would show little to no concern of another's well-being asides from herself or family and animals. It made sense to not worry whether she noticed that I cried or not. Heck, it was even LOGICAL!
After a while into my art class, I decided to show the subsitute teacher my progress since year 7. I showed her how much I've improved since I began school to now. She was impressed with everything, including the younger years of my works. When more people gathered around to view my artbook, I was surprized that people knew what style I drew in. When I realised that, I began to fear. I could feel this fear welling up inside of me. It was a strange combination of both nervousness and horror as they peered into my book, filled with things that I was afraid to show even my own mother, fearing that they too would all judge me like they do with others such as my friends.
As my heart raced on, nervous of what they would think or say, the outcome, was not as wretched as I thought it would be. Instead of mocking me, calling it all 'unoriginal', 'pathetic', 'Stupid' or calling my a 'Weebo'. All they said was;
"That's awsome!"
My heart - after so many years of absolute secercy, was finally at ease. Finally freed from previous assumptions based upon years and years of eaves-dropping, was finally put to a rest. What surprised me even more was not that they did not dismiss me after that, but they actually encouraged me to continue my work, they even told me to make my own comic with these characters.
Though, at first, I thought they must be plotting something behind their backs, when they saw the fanart of the boy behind me. A boy who was too eager to show off his own skills. They all dismissed him, saying that;
"It's already been done before"
My soul. After so many years of fear. Was finally 'emancipated', as my english teacher would describe it. I felt more at ease, more than anyone could possibly imagine.
Those chains that once binded me so tightly, are now no longer there anymore
 Kei Turpis · Tue Sep 13, 2011 @ 08:54am · 0 Comments |
