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Dear Haiku,
Here I lay.... alone in my bed... under my blankets...left alone with my thoughts. I think about what is important to me in my life when it comes to relationships with people. Sharing intimacy is important to me..... The way you look into a person's eyes. The way you stroke their hand gently with your fingertips. That secret smile that you only smile for them. Intimacy. People only see the word in one way... sexual. Intimacy can be a lot of things... it doesn't always have to be sexual, or romantic at all. That sacred time.. that sacred space you share with someone is intimacy.
Me waking up to the dawn... and the person laying next to me holds my hand as they are still sleeping. Snuggling on the couch watching a movie or an anime. Sharing a meal with someone, or even playing a game. These things can be seen as forms of intimacy. People sometimes make intimacy such a dirty or shameful act, but it doesn't have to be. I miss pure intimacy... and at the same time I fear it. For myself personally to be intimate with someone.... I have to be able to trust them. It seems when you expose a small fraction of your inner self... people can make it an ugly thing... or make it your weakness.
I no longer desire romantic love.... to me it seems to be an ideal.. a dream long faded into yesteryear. All prospects of a maybe ever after.. have all been squandered and dashed. All hope to find that oneness, that unique companionship with someone has long ago dissolved. I have been left with the impression people are not to be trusted with your heart, especially a heart that bleeds with emotion. It's okay. Not everyone is meant to get married. I can accept that maybe I am not meant for marriage. It just means... my spiritual parent has other plans for me. Some things you come to accept and are fine with. Not every man is Prince Charming.. often times you'll run into a toad. Not every girl is a dream... sometimes they can be your worst nightmare.
All in all.. if you decide to marry... or even to date.. you should accept a person as they are. You can not "mold" someone into what you want them to be. And at the same time, you shouldn't pretend to be something that you're not to win someone's favor. If it is really love, a person will accept you and not the facade you try to be. Don't limit yourself to just one form of intimacy. Sometimes... a hug is enough... sometimes.. a tender kiss is enough. People are so afraid to feel, to express positive and profound emotions.
Life is short. Love all that you can... live all that you can. Embrace yourself, embrace the ones you love. If there is someone you can't be without... someone you love... go to them now... and let them know. The worst thing you could ever do... is to keep such a beautiful emotion locked away inside... and never allow that person to receive that love. And every once in a while... smile your secret smile.
Love
-Aoi
 Aoi Utsuki · Sat Sep 10, 2011 @ 09:33pm · 0 Comments |
