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So after some thinking, I feel a need to talk about sober grad. Two subjects, actually.
First of all, I got to talk to a friend I don't see too often and it was very nice. I got to let off a lot of steam and actually talk some things I haven't been able to lately. We both talked about stupid frustrating stuff and it really was nice to get it off of my chest. He also seemed so ridiculously happy to see me at sober grad that it made me feel ridiculously happy.
Second of all, and the way home we talked with a person who does not hang out with us. First she said there was a rumor going around that we were very judging and liked to caused drama. That rumor was started by none other than the only person who we've really had major drama with, and also someone who is perhaps one of the most overly sensitive and psychologically inept people I've ever met (and for the record, that is all due to her mother's horrible psychosis in raising her).
Person on bus also talked about how even if that is a rumor, everyone outside our group sees us as being weird, crazy, and absolutely insane and that her personal advice is that we need to be more open with socializing. We all pretty much agreed that the reason we're kind of closed off is because of bullying, and she in response said that she learned to ignore it and deal with it in different ways, so why couldn't we?
I'll be honest. I don't know what to do when someone who teased me freshman year decides to help me a year later to get my water that got stuck in the vending machine. I don't know how to respond. I can't take it face value. In the past, whenever I take a nice random action from a generally not person at face value, they use it to harm me or make fun of me. So what do I think? I don't know what I'm supposed to do there. I'm that insecure, that I can't take something like that at face value. I feel like there is some ulterior motive.
Okay. So we're not the most open to socializing. But judging and like to start drama? Compared to the rest of high school? High school is almost nothing but drama regarding the student population. In Amador County, judging is so common it's not even funny.
We're the group that goes around at the beginning of the year and looks for people who are lonely and takes them into our group. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. But if they don't, that means they've found a better group to hang out with. They have friends!
We're also the group (Mind you, pretty much the only people out of the school) that signed up for GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) and then changed the name to PLURAll (Peace Love Unity and Respect for All) because GSA felt too exclusive. We want everyone to feel accepted and we want no one to be bullied.
So please. Tell us we're judging. Tell us that we absolutely hate people at a first glance and don't give them a chance.
We're paranoid, sure, because people haven't given us a chance. People have decided to judge us, by nothing other than existing or having a different opinion.
I remember in first grade I was teased and ignored. I didn't even have real opinions at the time. Simply by being a little kid I was made fun of and excluded.
I got the short end of the stick. Sorry, guess I could have tried harder to not be made fun of? I don't know. I had to search desperately for people that I could feel comfortable with. I didn't find a lot of them until junior high. I could hold grudges on people who treated me like crap in elementary school, but it doesn't even matter anymore.
What matter is that by being "closed-off" I feel like I've found people I know I can trust, people I can love, and people who can think for themselves. Sorry, guess that's what being "closed-off" means.
I can deal with people. I don't need to be a social butterfly to do that. People are easy to deal with a lot of the time. But can I deal with being happy with who I am and the people I'm with? Yes. In fact, if I'm not happy who I am and who the people close to me are, what's the point of anything?
I'd rather have one good friend than a thousand worthless ones.
And ironically, the information that we need to be less closed-off came from a person who I have personally found to be catty when she was younger, and from a person who when she turns her back, a lot of people say, "She's so stuck up".
I love it when people say to my face, "You're so crazy and weird and I love it!" which happens sometimes. There are actually people who like my friends and I because we have the courage to act as strange as we feel like. We can be different because we're not afraid to be. Being different shouldn't be about dressing with as much skin showing as possible or about listening to the most obscure bands. Being different is about being yourself, because everyone in the world is different. Being different is natural, so why has our culture developed to the point where being different is a crime?
The world can't grow without change or new ideas. Every famous painting, every piece of technology, every piece of music, every new scientific idea developed because someone had a different thought. Different minds have shaped the world, held it together, and made a special mark in society.
I've got news for the world: Special and different are synonyms. If you are remarkable, if you've done something no one else has, if you've significantly impacted the world, you've done something special. You did something different.
Different isn't bad.
 dalia salvd · Sat Jun 04, 2011 @ 12:19pm · 0 Comments |
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