It 12:30 A.M. at night. Dad's been gone since 6:00 A.M. It pisses me off because I'm worried, and I don't know where he is.
I don't know whether he's just working super late, whether he got drunk so he stayed at some one's house, whether he got into a ******** car accident because he drinking and driving. I'm ******** sick of this.
It doesn't happen often. But. Damn. If he's gotten another charge for DUI or something like that, I just. I don't know. I don't think I can take it in stride at this point. Just. ********.
I don't how many of my friends know that he's been gotten on DUI twice before. He's got a drinking problem. It ******** pisses me off.
God, I feel terrible. I felt kind of terrible all day because I haven't eaten much so my hands are all shaky and I have to record an audition tomorrow and film my movie and I posted in lots of freebie threads and got hardly any art and it that kind of pisses me off but. Now. I. Don't. Know.
If he gets DUI charge again...it's likely he'll get his license taken away. My mom works. I can't drive. So. Um. How the hell will he get to work? And we can't live off of my mom's paycheck. And I'd probably have to stop all of my lessons and band and drama and everything like that. So. ******** I'm so worried.
Hopefully by tomorrow everything will be fine.
Because if it isn't. I. Just. Don't. Know.
You wanna know a secret? For the longest time and even now, every time I get one of those silly wish things—a birthday wish, a shooting star, blowing on dandelion, a fallen eyelash, a coin in a fountain or a well, any of those types of things, I wish my dad would stop drinking. Every. ********. Time. Because that would make me so ******** pleased. I guess now that I've told it it won't come true. Not like it has for the past five or six years.
I'm crying right now. And I'm kind of shaking. I don't know whether that's because I have eaten enough or because I'm scared. I have too many worries. I hate the future.
It seems these days that I always get disappointed. I was disappointed about my birthday. I was disappointed about my movie party. I was disappointed about not making first clarinet. And it's like. So often, I predict the negative option that's going to happen, and that's what happens. I partner up with someone on a project, and I think, "They totally aren't going to do their part" and I'm [******** right. About the only people who don't disappoint me on a regular basis are my friends. Most of them. If you're reading this, then don't worry. You care. You make me happy. Thank you.
Anyway, I'm going to bed.
 dalia salvd · Sun Dec 05, 2010 @ 08:48am · 0 Comments |
