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Okay guys. Forget it. I'm not hiding this anymore.

I'm in love with someone. No this isn't a one sided love. He loves me too.

I went out with someone after I broke up Brian. For five months. It was a secret. We broke up in the summer, and I was broken. It was hard because there weren't a million people to help me through it, like there usually would be. I hide my relationships because people are SO. ********. PICKY. When I was with Brian everyone criticized our relationship. I was sick of it, so now I wanted to keep my relationships secret.

My best friend is in love with me.

I am a hopeless romantic. I am a useless girl who can't seem to make anything better. I know this, I always have. I ruin everything. I do. I can't remember the last time when I made anything better.

I don't know what to do right now. Look at the mess I made. I told my best friend that I was in love, and now I'm in danger of losing my best friend since 3rd grade. What are you DOING, Vanessa? Why are you pushing everyone away? Why do you rely on so many people? Why are you on the verge of losing so many people close to you? Do you WANT to be alone?

I don't want to fall into a hole..I don't. I'm unintentionally digging one for myself, though. The worst part is that I'm doing this alone. I feel so alone. What am I doing..

This is the 2nd time I've actually truly opened up to my journal. I'm sorry, for whoever reads this. I just..I needed to vent out to something.