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Haven't written something angry for a while.... |
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You know, sometimes I'm surprised at how much I hate the world, and other people. Like right now. I dislike my dad intensely. I don't hate him, no—but I'm beginning to resent him. He drinks. That's what my problem with him is. Not so much the idea of getting drunk that puts me off...(I do hate the idea, but that's not why I resent him) No, it's the fact I seem never able to spend time with him when he's sober. We went blackberry picking today. He fell three times, and after I noticed he was bleeding, I decided it'd be best to leave. I had to push him into it. He just so...detestable when he's drunk. He's dumb, immature, stubborn, clumsy, and pessimistic. But then, that's what drinking does to most people! The whole idea repels me!
Honestly...people who want to get into that state...
I can't understand it.
That is not say, however, if one of my friends gets into some sort of drunken trouble that I will not help them. I certainly will. If you guys ******** up, I'll help you out with it. I have far more patience for you then I do my father.
And when I think of how stupid some people are in general! Even without drinking! Okay, I understand s**t happens and people do stupid things, but some people don't have an excuse.
Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah people do stupid things I will too, I should have patience.
I have so much patience for other people sometimes. I care so much sometimes. It's kind of obnoxious. But whatever. Not the point. I appreciate that I care, so moving on.
Another thing that annoys me about my father: the fact that when confronted, he runs. I can't [********] stand it when people run. I understand if someone needs space about something and can't talk about it at that moment in time, but he just doesn't listen when you talk to him sometimes. My brother can be the same way. I would rather yell at you than you run away from me saying, "la la la, not listening!" I guess because that says that you don't want to work it out, or that you don't care enough to. I have not expressly fought with my dad or brother recently, but I seen what they do before.
It also pisses me off that my dad can't stay sober for one day to spend time with me. Shockingly he has the sense not to go to work drunk, but when gets home, drink-a-thon!
I just wonder if he freaking gives a crap that I don't like him when he's drunk, or whether he even notices that I avoid him.
I want to slam my head into my bed very badly right now, I'm so aggravated.
But whatever. Be passive, calm down, etc...It's what I do best. It makes me a better person. I get into less arguments. Dear god I hate fighting. But it's better than running away, because at least fighting is a form of communication and expression.
By the way, my friends who read this, I do love you very much and you happen to be my own personal little slice of cheesecake heaven. I'm not sure you know how much I appreciate that.
Anyway, I'm going to quit typing before I stress myself out and give myself a heart attack or something. Thanks for reading, unless you skipped the bottom. D=<
 dalia salvd · Sat Aug 07, 2010 @ 07:32am · 0 Comments |
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