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Hi everyone. Im having problems typing this from all the tears falling out of my eyes.

For the past few days, Brandon and I havent really been talking, not much at all.

I called him and I started to cry as I heard he didnt have long to talk. Damn im tearring up now. More tears to wipe away.

The skies havent looked really bright. I feel like im back at work, Prison to be exact, being thrown around like the new kid. Thats how im going to be treated actually, the newby. Most of the people on my shift moved to other shifts or other prisons or other positions in rank. I dont know how many people I know will be there now. And they changed the learning material right after I graduated from the academy. So what I know is old stuff now. I dont know the new policies or that stuff. (sigh)
I was suppsoed to get re-trained in may...the 1st or second week in may...I dont know how im going to do that since im still on medical leave.

Im very weak, im trying my hardest to get stronger, but my heart is getting weaker. Ive passed out 4 times yesterday. Last night was the longest. I was out for almost a hour. When I woke up, I thought I was Kalena. But when I got another text message from Brandon, my heart sank even more.

I tell him everything about how im feeling and hes speechless. He cant help me. Ugh im starting to cry again.

I dont hear the birds chirping, I feel so empty, like a nobody. Not a dusk or one of those but like one of Organazation XIII (13). I guess I feel like Axel but I have no rage. Besides, nobodies have no emotions.

So if im not a nobody. What am I? Am I a heartless? I still have my heart, although its patched up. But if by heart, they mean soul. Mabye I am a souless?

I dont know anymore. I feel so scared and so alone yet im around at least 1 person every day. I hear the fights happen and I run from them. Im just so scared.

I have a perfect view outside to see the morning sun. Although I know it has risen, I dont feel the warmth and caring of its glow of a new day. I dont feel it. I feel alone in this dark world.

Help me.