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http://amvhell.com/corn.html
WARNING: has.. Um.. Suggested... Things.
Probably not safe for work- especially the ending part. Well. We'll play it safe and just say. It's not safe for work. XD
But it's only 24seconds long, so you might get away with it. Who knows. wink

So "Corn" and "Surprize buttsecks!" seem to be the latest fad at the .org(animemusicvideos.org). All because of AMV Hell 0 - 3. What's not to like?
I didn't really like the AMV Hells they did by themselves.. But the MEP AMV Hells were great. I am not oging to download 0 until I move out since it's all porn. Or... Corn. twisted

After you've had your laughs with that... Here's the actual post.

I listened to twistcast (My short version of "Twistex's podcast", which is actually called twisted methods, but apparently I didn't know that until after I got twistcast engrained into my head) #5 and at first my reactionw as "I know all that".
Then it was "Oh, I was wondering why twist never talked about his past - this confirms suspicions." Then it escalated into "But I have a diesease! I'm different, I can't control it!"
Which is about the rebuttal I give when my subconcious is about to go "That person has a point - I can fix this, but it will take a lot of work..." so my gut reaction is "can't change - protect the old ways/laziness!"

Then, the ending song was so great, I repeated the ending of the podcast like a bazillion times. I was streaming it so, sorry Twist, if that botched your statistics. XD

Anyway, what came with the sad song "Hallelujah" was twistex's muttering of "So what choices are you going to make. And how are those decisions going to affect your life.. Today." or something of that nature. So while I'm repeating the song, I usually get that too, so it of course became engrained...

And now I'm productive. XD

Well, I think so, at least.

Yesterday, I got a stern lecture about productivity and thinking for myself.. Since.. I don't don't do those things. Long engrainment of verbal/emotional "trauma", I suppose(It's not really abuse- I mean, technically, I'd call it abuse, but after taking a law class.. It's not against the law and therefore.. Probably not really considered abuse).

Whenever I did anything, it was always wrong or not good enough, so eventually I just did nothing until someone told me exactly what to do. That also got me yelling since I should "Know what to do" but it got me considerably less yelling and insults, so I stuck with that, and now it's kind of a bad habit...

But yesterday, like I said, I 90% finished the website for the scholarship, and got to one minute in storyboarding for a video for my resume. I tried to find the damn duck thing, but I don't know where that is... And I finished the Xmas Video, which was supposed to be done after, well. Xmas.
I called the financial aid officer and left a message since she wasn't there, and I shipped out Ramiel's secret santa present. Somehow that took all day. I'm not sure how it did, because I don't remember taking too many breaks, but considering me.. That's way more productive than usual.

Today, on the other hand, I had things planned out- like, I was going to finish storyboarding the video for the resume, or at least try, since I've kind of come to a block, and start storyboarding the no-underage drinking commercial for a scholarship. I had planned to get my official transcript and drop off some demo tapes at the schools, but it was early release so didn't get much of that done(But I went; score one for that).

Today all I got done was chatting online and a few more hours of Shadow Hearts: Covenant in.

Tomorrow afternoon I'm leaving for Florida to visit the IADT Tampa campus, and see what I'm getting into, housing, etc. I'm supposed to meet Melanie, the financial aid person, while I'm there.

So tomorrow morning what I should be doing is getting all my stuff together and putting what I've finished on CDs. Really, I should start now since it's only 8pm, and I usually stay up until around 1am.

And I know I need to do it, but my body is saying, "Nobody has told yous pecifically to do it - so you better not." It's a hard habit to get out of, and it's really embarrassing.

I mean.. A lot of other bad habits stem from this one huge... Central one, I guess. Like. Chores. I don't know how to do laundry or fold clothes or wrap gifts, because nobody ever told me to do that stuff. And I can make a bed because I've done it once or twice, but I never do it on my own because nobody tells me to do it. My mom does all that stuff automatically.

My dad goes on and on and tells me how I should know that "Help around the house" means pick out something and do it- like the dishwasher or the litterbox... But I've been trained that I only do chores on Saturdays, after 11am, and they tell me what chores to do. See what I mean?

Stupid, yes, but I'm going through the whole "Unleashed" thing here. I don't want to take the collar off.

["Unleashed" is like the best movie ever, by the way. If you haven't watched it and idolize it, you suck]

Yesterday I took out the kitchen trash because it was full without anyone asking.. Although there was pressure from my dad to "If you don't do something to help out around the house today, something bad will happen". So I guess that was kind of an accomplishment. Halfway mark, maybe.

Baby steps.

Plus, 18 is like some magic number, because as soon as I turned it, my dad stopped punishing me. It weirds me out to no end.
I would sit forever and do nothing, I'd stay up past my bedtime(yes I still have one), I'd not do things he'd specifically asked to do(and then never reminded me about) and then he'd yell at me for not doing them. And that was it.

At one point, he got so frustrated, he said, "What do you want me to do about this?! What would make you learn?"
And I, seriously, I said, "Punish me."

WTF.

He replied with "No. I'm not going to punish you. You just have to learn this crap by yourself."

That was more heartbreaking than anything else. After that, I knew I should've been thinking "Yes! FREEDOM!"
But instead I was sitting there, depressed, thinking about how him not punishing me was punishment in and of itself.

That's just ******** up.