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Now, you understand?

Get behind my eyes for another view
Of painted skies beautiful blue
Don't be suprised if you discover it all
Snap into a different frame of mind
It's a game of seek and find
Run the maze with lots of lines in the walls

And this is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
Now you understand

Throw on the shoes that you wanna wear
You can choose your favorite pair
Try not to care about the perfect fit (You're growing)
Ask about the things that you want to know
Plant the seed and leave room to grow
Listen deep 'cause you never know what you might hear

And this is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
Now you understand
Now you understand
Now you understand

It's not a game that I can play by myself
Only you can look at me
And see the faces of someone else
You see the faces of someone else
You see the faces of someone else

Get behind my eyes for another view
Of painted skies beautiful blue
Don't be suprised of I'm a lot like you
We'll carve a place for love inside of you
The empty space, let it flow through
And then your face will show your feelings true
Yeah

And this is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
Now you understand
Now you understand
Now you under
This is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
This is what I mean by that
Now you understand
Now you understand


This whole week has been stupid. Okay at first, but Thanksgiving just ruined it all.

declare this an emergency
come on and spread a sense of urgency
and pull us through
and pull us through
and this is the end
this is the end of the world

it's time we saw a miracle
come on it's time for something biblical
to pull us through
and pull us through
and this is the end
this is the end of the world

proclaim eternal victory
come on and change the course of history
and pull us through
and pull us through
and this is the end
this is the end of the world

My brother moved down to Florida. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to carry everything. And what's worse than that, was I was being insulted while doing what I was told to.
See, before this all happened, my Dad had, behind my mother's back(as always) gave me a tongue lashing about how I couldn't got o the college I wanted unless I got a degree. Because certificates just aren't worth getting. And if I moved out to persue what I wanted to persue for my entire life than he wasn't going to help me move. Nobody was going to help me move, because he didn't approve of it. He said that I would go to a college we agreed on, in the states, preferrably in GEORGIA(where we live) which means he's not letting me go anywhere unless it's in Georgia. And he didn't care what I had to say about the courses they offered, because if it offered a degree(and didn't teach me what I wanted ot know in the process) then it was the best goddamn course there was, and I was taking it.

So Brother moves out, after he's been in several thousand dollars of debt, just bought amotorcycle, and is the ******** failure of the family, and I have to help him move out because I can. I was pissed the whole time because all my brother ever did was spend money, fail classes, drop out of school, graduate late, go in debt multiple times, switch highschools and colleges like swatting at ******** flies, all because these schools didn't have what he wanted.

So I'm supposed to accept that my parents will pay on and off for private schools and public schools, 100% pay for his tuition fees and half of his apartment space because he refuses to live in a dorm And I can ******** go to the college I want?
I can't ******** get any help when I move out?
I can't get any ******** help because what I want to persue doesn't need a ******** degree?

And what's worse is I'm 18 now, and my parents still won't let me say what I ******** want to say.
"something SUCKS" from me gets glares and insults my way because "sucks" is a ******** cussword, but "that b***h can suck my left nut" from my brother gets a total ignorance and some attention from parents syaing it's ******** okay?

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW NOT HAVING A p***s WAS THAT BAD.
HAD I KNOWN THIS AWESOME INTELLIGENCE WHEN I WAS BORN, I WOULD'VE CUT OFF MY AMBILICAL CORD.

Every ******** moment of my ever waking life, it's always been sexist comment after sexist comment toward me. My brother fails classes and he gets grounded, I get a C and suddenly I'm the failure of the family and instead of lying around in my room unable to go hang out with friends, I have to write 100 times how I am sorry and will never make the mistake again, or am forced to clean the kitchen.

Now, it's less verbal and more actions. Any time I began to lift anything heavy, no matter when(but mostly when I was trying help my ******** brother move out because I was ******** ordered to) my dad would always say not to, and instruct me to move some insanely lighter item.

I'M SO GLAD I COULD ASSIST YOU, DAD.
NO. REALLY. I AM.

Eventually I managed to just write it off and be glad I didn't have to exert myself.
But still, every waking moment is how much more I hate my dad.

He went with my brother to florida to help him move over there for two days, beginning on tuesday. He returned today.
See, what he wanted to do was have everyone go, but my mom needed someone care for the pets.
I offered to stay and do it, and my mom didn't have much of a problem with it.

My brother has been left alone when the rest of the family goes out, multiple times, 7 days being the longest time, starting when he was sixteen.
My brother's ADHD with a severe anger management problem, abused animals and levelled rooms(literally) like a ******** tornado watching Akira from age 8 to 12.

Suddenly it's my turn to be left alone with the pets and I'm eighteen, levelheaded, always getting As and Bs for my ******** lovely parents, and OH NO.

I CAN'T BE LEFT ALONE BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT THE FAMILY TO BE SPLIT UP FOR THANKSGIVING.

Wait, What?
Can't be split up for thanksgiving?

You know what his solution is?
Leave mom hom with me.
Yeah. THAT IS PERFECTLY LOGICAL, NOT SPLIT UP FAMILY THANKSGIVING.
******** ludicris.

He calls when he gets to florida, you want to know what the first thing out of his ******** stupid mouth is?
"Did she clean the kitchen yet?"

Nevermind that it was cleaned the day before and would just SOMEHOW be dirty because the two girls are at home infecting it.
He wants to know if I cleaned it.
Because of course, that's the most important matter of the day.
Not "Oh I got to FLorida safe" or "I miss you honey."
But "Did she clean the kitchen, yet?"
Because a nice sparkling kitchen when you're not even there ot see it is SOOOOO ******** IMPORTANT.

Not to mention he didn't even ask me to clean the kitchen before he left. He just expected me to do it. Because I'm a girl.

So thanksgiving rolls around and it's just me and my mom, and she insists that we need to do something together for Thanksgiving. Of course, me being the unheartful b***h I am say no, and continue watching TV and get on the computer later.
She comes up to the computer while I'm talking to Mike via voice convo with lasagna and says "Happy Thanksgiving" with this really sad look in her eye.
Me being the unheartful guilty b***h I am get off the computer and eat downstairs with her, wondering if she wants to rent a movie to see together. (we were talking about going to the movies earlier but couldn't decide on a movie).

We get and watch in order Ms. Congeniality 2, Phantom of the Opera, and Chooch.

After we're done it's 1am and she gets mad at me because I need to go to bed. I turn on the TV anyway going to watch a show before I go to bed.
She starts yelling at me because I need to go to bed.

I honestly don't get it. My mom has some ******** brain tumor or something because she thinks if you don't go to bed when she says it's ******** time to go to bed, the whole ******** world is going to end. My bed time(yes I still have one) is 11pm. Even on weekends. Yells and bitching ahoy if I am even still up at 11:01.

Nevermind that I've been going to bed at 3 and 4am the past few days on the computer after he went to bed, which I'm sure she knew, but yelling and bitching ahoy after I spent about 4 hours out of my day, interrupting what little of a social life I have, FOR HER. And I get screamed at because I'm not going to bed the second she's ordering me to go to bed.

So I turn off the TV mad as a ******** african killing honey bee, and she gets upstairs first(of course; since the bed monster will get her if she doesn't go to bed RIGHT THAT SECOND) and then yells at me again because I don't put my ******** clothes in the hamper in my room, and that the dog chewed up my used underwear again.(I don't know why my dog decides that MY used underwear is the best ******** to chew, because my brother's moved out and HIS used underwear is still on the ******** floor). Screams at me, picks up the underwear, screams at me again, goes to bed.

I hope she chewed up the small boxers since those are too small and my mom refuses to throw them away. Whatever.

I am going to make this life so much more ******** good for everyone when I move out.

BUT OH WAIT.

I CAN'T.

mmmmm
h-eight ... is the one for me
it gives me all i need
and helps me co-exist
with the chill

you make me sick
because i adore you so
i love all the dirty tricks
and twisted games you play
on me

space dementia in your eyes and
peace will arise
and tear us apart
and make us meaningless again

mmmm, yeah

you'll make us wanna die
i'd cut your name in my heart
we'll destroy this world for you
i know you want me to
feel your pain

space dementia in your eyes and
peace will arise
and tear us apart
and make us meaningless again

Ooooh...