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As I sit here waiting each day I wait for that big something to happen in my life as does almost every one else. When I first saw this glimmer of light I saw in the form of a woman who took my breath away, my heart, and my body for 3 years of my life and managed to stay my friend until a few months ago. Even though we never even had sex I still purposed to this woman and felt like hell when I had to break it off for the better of both of us. Now she sits there in trouble and I have to sit here and wait and see if she truely cares after all this time enough to try and call me. Yet I don't think she will... for fear of admittance that she was wrong.
I thought there was hope in a man who I meet a few years later in school. He never really talked to me at first but I thought we could of made it work if he hadn't of been the one to let his friends control his actions, that is until his newest piece in his life is carrying his unborn child. Now he is to far for me even to see again and yet I never got to say goodbye. Oh how I wish I could say these simple words to him "I am sorry for hurting you. I wish you happiness with your new life." Again some friends won't let that happen. But someday I know in my mind it will happen when least expected.
Fireworks went off when seeing the man who not only took my breath away but showed me a light about myself I thought I would never see again. This person has showed me so much in the 3 years that I have known him. He's let me live with him even though we didn't quite agree with it on the inside. Now we jump at each other's throats for little things... Why do little things become such big things so often? Why do we keep tortureing ourselves and making things hardier when it's already hard enough to get by without this added weight? Do we feel the need to do so inside but don't want to say it? Could that be it? I doubt it will ever be admitted until years to come.
Now what's a person to do when all the light is about gone in your sight and something comes strolling along and unexpectingly the light gets opened up so much it's almost blinding? I really hope this bit of light isn't going to go out so quickly. Each holding their own candle in my heart for every person that has helped me over the years. What am I suppose to do when this person shows up and managed to do more for me in a short amount of time then most? When they take your breath away, leave you speechless, make you want to sing and not care who hears you even if your bad, make you want to just act stupid for something to do, when they help you to forget all the troubles in the world and make it easier to deal with in a way that your not sure exactly how it happens. What's a person suppose to do when it's happened twice in a lifetime?
It's my turn to change things around. Let me put at least a glimmer of light in your heart dear and help show a way. Let me in and learn to trust me. I don't want to hurt you as much as I don't want to be hurt myself. Let's build something together that's going to mean so much more after time. Instead of being protected all the time, let your gaurd down just a bit for me and let me do my share. All I want is things for the better for both of us and I want it to last.
For in the end I care very much and love to no end in their own way every person who has been there for me. I don't want things to end.