There’s no Plot
It’s black inside. Nothing is left. Not that there was anything there before. But now it is completely empty, there is not piece of hope left inside, not one inkling of a feeling, not a single measure of emotion inside me at all. Not a sprinkle of happiness, not a scent of anger, not a feeling of content, not a drop of sorrow. There are no emotions; a deep abyss of darkness and pain swirled into one until everything has decayed and rotted away.
lllllllllll Deep were my heart is supposed to reside is a black chasm, a deep hole where nothing, only death, can enter. My insides churn, my brain sends neurons to the rest of my body, but I am already dead. Do not try to fool me or yourselves by thinking I’m still alive because my body remains here physically; it is simply a punishment by god. I am falling apart, physically, as my foot isn’t healing my teeth are falling out my fingernails are rotting. Everyday the skin is torn off my fingers, blood is drawn, and yet, everyday it heals. Why is this possible, why am I being torn apart, minute by minute, second by second, stretched thin like butter scraped too thin across a piece of toast. I may appear the same now, but that is all rapidly changing, I have no energy inside, no thoughts to fill my brain, no ability to stand or walk or run or talk or do anything which requires an even somewhat speckle of thought to trickle through my brain. There again, is nothing, has never been anything, and never have had anything inside where my heart is supposed to be.
lllllllllll Not that I’m supposed to have a heart, rather that there is not a heart where the normal anatomical structure of the human being is supposed to have one. Nothing beats there. Nothing questions. Nothing asks. Nothing knows. I know of everything when sitting still but when trying to use a spot on my brain it dies, and quivers away. Do not take heed for these things or worry of the pain which is still on me physically, this is god’s punishment, for some sin I never commit or have never known about. This of course assumes you believe in a god, if you understand this concept at all, and for all you atheist emotional people thinking you know of a great pain and that no such god exists, you can think twice. For what’s worse than a god that does not exist, is one which constantly actively causes you pain, one that wishes on you a force greater than death, that enjoys keeping you alive just to see you suffer. For how much suffering can you have in hell when there is no thought to stay alive? That’s half the struggle of hell and life isn’t it anyways, so god leaves me to wallow in the torture of the catacombs of my mind until I slowly rot away.
lllllllllll Of course in a sense we’re all dieing, nobody makes it out of life alive. However my process is going much faster than those of the ones around me. I should be dead already, god telling me to die, but it is shear willpower I still stay alive. Every day is a struggle, every day is a fight to survive, but to me, this is exemplified, this is expanded on to the real literal version of the actions we say might claim our lives; the things that happen to me are considered very unlikely ways to kill me they say, though these are daily occurrences. I did not believe I was dieing at a faster rate at first. Then I took a look around, and what did I find to my surprise, that I was the only one who shared my pain.
lllllllllll Not that others don’t share my pain, but rather not all that I feel, barely a fraction, barely a thought passes their mind that causes them to twist in agony the way it does to me. Though my physical death is very torturous indeed, I do not take heed in this for I know that my mental pain will far exceed any of that which I will feel.
lllllllllll But I do not simply die for no reason. The world is falling apart. The world is corrupt. Politics, government, racism, black versus white on presidents, screwing entire countries over for a few cents per person, nothing great, nothing huge, by tiny inklings of cash slowly trickling into their hands, fading countries of millions into nothing but helpless, pore individuals.
lllllllllll The world is dieing. And as it is, I am too. Not because the world makes me sick, though it does, but because I decided to spiritually and physically attach myself to the world a long time ago, eons of time which even I cannot remember or do not dare to try to, yet. Whichever the case, I am to die, it is going to be soon.
lllllllllll Not that I’m going to fade out of existence. No no, no, no, I do not die like you die in the essence that I’m gone forever. Not in your ways. Not in the way you’re told your death will be the outcome. The difference between you and me, is that I know I can do anything, and realize that anybody can do anything that they want, though many trick themselves into believing that there are too many things that they cannot do. It’s a scary though to think that a single person possess the power to do anything they want. It’s an even scarier though to realize that every person possesses these powers; what chaos could be invoked upon the world, if one world would be left? Many say that some things are impossible, though I disagree with any of those, anything can be possible, even in ways you do not want to think about them. Can a human fly? Sure. We’ve invented airplanes haven’t we? Can you actually beat up that guy who wants to fight you? Sure what are guns for. Even though we can do anything we want anyway we want, there are still even simpler ways of which we overlook.
lllllllllll But though my spirit will simply drift away and I will still remain, I will still stay, to show the world the ends and what they must go through if they decide they might rather stay their lives out of hell, for whatever reasons that are worse than going to heaven. You do not have to commit a crime to go to hell, you can simply be brought there, and pain and suffering will let you get ever close, and if your lucky, see and glimpse into hell, and pear across the fire, and see the eyes glaring back at you.
lllllllllll Do you think I have not seen into hell? I have done worse. I have ventured into hell into my times of torture and pain and not only seen what happens but felt it and experienced it as well, been there in the rotting flames to laugh when I see my corpse stare into the reflection bouncing off the wall.
lllllllllll Pneumonia, the Flu, Strep Throat, Salmonella peanut butter, 104 degree fever, things which would cause most people to die on their own, conjoined into one, I still had to suffer. I still had to go through school and max out in football, still had to do my work, still had to take tests. I was responsible for the hell passed onto me down by my teachers, still had to fight.
lllllllllll IIt wasn’t until two weeks after this pain did anyone realize I had a problem, despite crapping myself and pouring out sprinklets of blood everywhere I went, and even more on my toilet. You would think someone would stop to care, someone would stop to think, but they do not know. They cannot know, even if I tell them about what it is I feel and how I feel, and when I feel, they cannot know until I’ve reached deepest part of hell. Only then can they recognize that pain is brewing inside me, that the days of reckoning of my own are coming to a close.
lllllllllll As it is only after I feel pain and experience that one can know that I have been going through such turmoil, and as such when I die and as I die no-one will no my pain until after it is I am dead, no-one will no I am dieing until after it is I am dead.
lllllllllll But I will not die in your way, I will die a much more gruesome terrifying way than your fancy earth likes to put on me and all your others. As again, I will not simply fade out of existence like you will, I will not simply fade away while the rest of the world rots in decay, I will not be here to simply say that the world is terrible and that there is pain everywhere you walk, but that I will tell you of your hell, and explain to you the problems you are about to face.
lllllllllll You can think can you trouble yourself with life, trouble yourself with your pains? I laugh at you. There is much worse coming about and I only tell you of my pain as it is directly relative with the earth, not of my pain that is related to earth as me being hurt does not hurt the earth, but rather I feel the earth’s pain, and can tell you of what’s going to happen.
lllllllllll We will all rot. We will all die. And I will be there to bring it to you, bring to you your pain.
lllllllllll Though physically exhausted, this is not how I will die. I will not suffer your black abyss that you think that your body wanders off into, I will simply lose all feeling on the inside. Simply be incapable of standing here on this earth any longer.
lllllllllll You will simply die. I will not point you out for you specifically to die, I will laugh and make each of you suffer in your sort of hell, but I will not do it because of you. You are not my main point, you are not my main idea. You, so selfish as you are, are not going to the little center of the end of the universe. And you are not special in anyway, just because you want to be, you have to work to be special, and if you were working, well the world wouldn’t be decaying as it is.
lllllllllll You, mean, nothing. I am not writing this for you, rather for the collective whole. Everyone is bothered by what is going to happen to me, what is going to be of my life and of my times, but this is not the question and not the meaning and the reason. You think your so special and me writing this paper is all about you.
lllllllllll But it’s not. You are nothing. You are not a unique snowflake. You are not your job, not your life, not your little desires you decided to pass around to everyone around you. These are not the defining characteristics of your life. These things do not make you special or what you want to become, and unfortunately it will take a lot of work for you to get to that point.
lllllllllll Do not think for one second that the cataclysmic end of the world will be based around you, do not even think that you will be involved; this is not about you. This is about the end of the world and everyone in it except you, and though you may be a part of this world it is not about you and rather about the collective whole. You are nothing.
lllllllllll Do you know how small you are? Do you know how tiny you are compared to the rest of the universe? 99% of the universe we are in is made up of black matter and dark energy. There is 1% matter. And of this matter, 99% of it is hydrogen. And of this 1% of all matter, around 0.05% of this is carbon. And of all the carbon in the universe, only 0.00000000000000000000000000000000001% is on earth, and of all the carbon on earth, only 0.00001% is life. And out of all the life on earth, only 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% is human. And out of all the humans, you are only 1 in six billion. You want to know how small we all are? You are only 1/6th billionth of 1 million trillionths of one billion quadrillionths of 0.05% of the 1% of all the matter, and the rest of the universe is 99% of what is left.
lllllllllll Do you know how small you are? Well now you do. You are not even spec on this universe, when the aliens come to see the planet, they will not see you, even from one hundred miles above the earth, even though if they did see us we would be a slight star or possibly hundreds of thousands of miles away, if they could see the slight twinkle of earth anyways. From the vastness of the universe, I don’t think anyone or anything could even pretend make out there was a planet earth somewhere here. And even so. When we expand all the way out to the rest of the universe, our galaxy won’t even appear. Imagine celestial bodies hundreds of billions of galaxies huge, of which, look like stars from far away, and create billions of super galaxies made up of “stars” all of which are made of galaxies. Now imagine limitless amounts of other universes, and clusters of universes, and even more clusters of those clusters of universes.
lllllllllll You are not even spec.
Now we know how small you are, know hopefully you know.
lllllllllll We are all going to burn. In the limitless holes we call our lives we will be tortured second, by second, with nothing left to stand at all. If you think physical torture is the worst kind of pain, you have a weak mind. Constantly failing, over and over again nothing being able to succeed constant distress and the want to succeed, constantly trying to succeed but being unable to realize that you’re trying to win and are constantly failing is much worse, much much much worse than any physical pain that can ever be given to you.
lllllllllll It’s funny because, you’re better left alive. I just described your life to you, and the worse kind of pain you could ever feel. You know it’s true. You are constantly failing not because you are trying and that this is the only life you’ll ever experience but because you are truly in hell, truly rotting away, and what you don’t know, is that there’s an even worse place than this.
lllllllllll It’s okay though. The muck which we call our lives which will not even bring a sizzle onto the rest of the universe, onto the rest of the universes, and we will decay into the limitless space of this universe.
lllllllllll But sense in a million years we will all be the same decaying organic matter, what you look like, where you come from, what you think you are, what you think, what you say will mean nothing. In a million years, no-one will ever remember your name and no-one will probably ever know that you existed.
lllllllllll But they will know your actions. They will know what you have done and this is all your remembered by. Take the Spartans for example. Nobody remembers what a single face of these Spartans looked like, who died on Thermopylae. No-one knows what they looked like, nobody knows the names of all the soldiers that died that day for a single cause. Of course we could call King Leonidas an exception if we wanted, though his name will be lost to time in a short while as well. And in a million years, nobody will know what they were even called or even where they fought. But they will know one thing. They will know, that someone, somewhere, gave all they had to fight not for themselves, but for their team, and for the idea that one could change the world in a sense of which they wanted to and despite all odds, despite all they were facing, could succeed. And this is true of everything else. They will also remember the cowards, and the weak people, who messed up their team and decided to go for the individual rather than for the group, and sad, lonely, regretful men who turned their backs on the only team they had.
lllllllllll But this does not only apply to Sparta or for football or for whatever you wish to classify it to but to the rest of the world, not to just what you think it could apply to but rather everything, you can decide to group together and change the world in any way possible as long as you give up the thought of being an individual, and focus on something greater than yourself.
lllllllllll You will not be remembered for what you looked like or what you said or what you thought or what you wanted to be rather for what you have done, and even if no-one knows your name, or cannot comprehend it because it is lost to the ages, you story will carry farther into the eons of time, and across distances so unfathomable that no-one will understand how it even go to be so far, but will remember your story in the universal idea that someone stood up for what they believed was right, and for what was right, and changed the world by understanding that there is something greater there, more so than yourself, and that though are not even a spec on this universe, you story will carry greater than anything else ever to have come in contact with this universe.
lllllllllll This is not easily done and shall not be easily done, and will require a tremendous amount of work on your part, for though you are not but a spec you must spend every ounce of power you have to this greater idea to make it capable of achieving the goal, millions and billions and countless amounts of others will pour energy into this idea until it is fully realized, and bring about that everyone worked hard, and show which ones did not to achieve the goal of which you wanted to achieve.
lllllllllll Nothing will come easy. Nothing ever has ever come easy. But with enough work and dedication, and a little bit of thought added, anything is possible.
lllllllllll As I may state again, anything is possible by anyone, and simply requires a lot of work, and though I may be dieing and slowly decaying away I have died many times before, this does not effect me.
lllllllllll If you do not know, I have insomnia, and eating disorders, and broken parts of me all over. I do not require sleep, I do not need to eat, I am a mindless, walking drone with every part of my body slowly dieing and fading out of existence, and growing stronger, though I will not die. I am not of this realm in the way that you think, I am in another dimension if you believe that way or from another heaven or hell or spiritual realm if you think that way, but I am apart of something different all together.
lllllllllll I am a deity in the fact that I am not truly a god. But I require nothing, and will give forward tons of energy until my body runs dry and I can think no more, of which will never end.
lllllllllll I used to believe that I was not capable of these things that no, that the world has something to do with it, but now that I realize that people are actually as stupid as we think they are. I realize that I must be the one to show them all. I did not think so at first but if this wasn’t true then all of you would have known what was in this paper and I would not be sick right now. I feel the earth’s pain, I know it because I decided to connect with it, and as such I can feel what the rest of you are doing to it.
lllllllllll I will change it all. But you must do what you want to do, you must do what you need to do. And though of what I am capable of is true, it does not make me special. Everyone simply plays their role, and anyone can change what their role is at any given time, but this does not make them special and does not change who they are.
This is a story that starts off with great grammar and great words and great thought out explanations of the world, but slowly decays to a point where things are harder to read and the explanation of the world ends and the grammar ends.
lllllllllll The paper slowly decays as you read it, slowly disappears in quality until nothing is left but muck, just, like me.
lllllllllll And just like the rest of the world, and just like death.
If you read this paper and feel amused because the grammar steadily fades away I laugh, as this is simply a part of the paper itself, and brings apart the whole meaning.
lllllllllll Now to end with some great word, some great phrase, some great conclusion that combines it all. I have but a few words.
lllllllllll You are all, going, to die, at some point in time.
Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody makes it out alive.
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